I have two things on my mind most. One, I wanted to post another wedding watercolor. So here it is.
This couple will last if they keep being the people they are today. There is no pretension about them. Their love for Christ means they have something bigger than their relationship to base their relationship on. They respect each other, admire each other. It's good. Very good. It makes me smile because there is still something holy about marriage that no immoral lifestyle can have. They can only imitate.
A relationship like that is what I waited till I was 33 to find. Waiting is a very, very good thing.
I, personally, have always hated waiting. As soon as I finished this painting I wanted to post it. But I needed to wait until I had given it to the couple first. How tacky it would be for them to see their painting posted on facebook before they had received it themselves.
In fact, I have another painting I can't wait to post... but I have to wait.
Every so often, I end up doubting the existence of God. (This has to do with waiting. I promise. Just hear me out, OK?)
I have an atheist friend who is very verbal. I don't mind being rattled. If God is real, then He's certainly got to be big enough to handle my questions. And so I questioned.
First: If there truly is no God, then why do atheists spend so much time thinking about Him?
That's just not logical to me. What is it in our very nature that makes us think about Him even if it's a determination to disprove Him? If He doesn't exist, then why don't we just go on our merry way and not give it another thought? It's not worth our energy. Why spend so much communication trying to prove there is not God? I know the atheists say they are out there trying to deliver all the disillusioned idiots, but that leads to another question.
Second: If there's no God, then why do you care about all the disillusioned?
If there's no God, then there's no real purpose to caring for others except to further the human race and better our condition. But since it's all chance and evolution- survival of the fittest - then why not let the disillusioned just filter themselves out? Logically, it shouldn't even cross our mind, really. It's not logical to care if there is no loving God. Care about yourself, sure. Instinct of survival. But not others. It doesn't make sense. But the atheists I know do seem to passionately care, so it leads to another question.
Third: For what purpose are you trying to "enlighten" the God believers?
To what end? The atheist says there is no God, no intelligent pattern from which we were made. The atheist basically says we determine our own meaning. Now that is a real conundrum for me logically. If this world is so meaningless, then there's no point in investing in the future. If we follow the logic of "this is all there is" then the best we can do is grab all we can now, forget about leaving anything better for future generations, take what we want, do what we want, use it up and leave the trash for the stupid suckers who were unfortunate enough to be born in the next generation.
And yet, the atheist gets mad about this because I'm talking about their children now and all their hard work to leave a legacy behind for them. Honestly, I think they should get mad. But why? WHY? If I'm being honest, I'm compelled.... no.... I'm required to ask these uncomfortable questions because if the God I believe in can't stand up under scrutiny, then I'm out. But I'm rabbit trailing which drives me crazy in discussions like this. Follow the logic, Lydia... OK, back to the concept of caring.
Fourth: If there is no God, WHY DO YOU CARE?
Where does that caring come from? Why are you so passionate about being heard?
Why
do
you
want
to
be
remembered?
What makes us want to be right? What is it in us that wants to think we have the truth? Why is that even an issue, a desire, a drive, an irritation that I'm asking?
Which leads me to the only reason I can really logically come up with, but comes out as another question. The only reason I can think of that would compel people to write, argue, speak, post, publish books is because they want to be heard. They want to be heard because a) they care about others and/or b) they want to be remembered. I have never met, heard of, or read about a single person who wants to be forgotten whether criminal or altruist. I had to look that word up to be sure I was using it correctly. So here it is for those who sit in my same boat:
al·tru·ism
ˈaltro͞oˌizəm/
noun
noun: altruism
1.
the belief in or practice of disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others.
So no matter how the atheist may choose to answer the above about why they wish to be remembered, my next logical question is this:
Fifth: For how long to you want to be remembered?
How long to you want your voice to be heard? How far do you want your fame to go? How many generations of grandchildren to you hope to influence? Logically, if I'm telling the truth, I want for my voice to be heard...well... forever. Dang. Now we have a problem. Forever.
Sixth: How long is forever, then?
Um. Since we can't have eternity, how long is forever when we yearn so deeply to be remembered...... forevermore and evermore? So we're back to base one. Round and round we go... "where it stops, nobody knows" ...says the atheist. In order to say how long forever is, or that "eternity syndrome" the God believers insist on, I have to ask myself the question that possibly started the whole thing. The question that causes all questions.
Seventh: What happens to us when we die?
"Aaargh!" I can hear it through the internet now. The atheist says, "You can't prove to me that there is an eternity." Um. Well. They are correct. But then the Christian says, "Prove to me there isn't an eternity." Um. Well. They are correct. You can't... prove it, I mean. The only ones who could know for sure are the one's who've died and, well, they're not exactly available for cross examination. Except maybe One. I'm sorry, but we'll have to bring Him up sooner or later because, logically, if someone were to truly die and be resurrected, He'd have to be considered an expert on what happens when we die. Dear atheist, I'll grant you the huge "if" in that sentence.
In fact, the thought of the "resurrection factor" was the farthest thing from my mind when I posed the seventh question to myself. I was expecting to head down the eternity lane route. It has rattled me, quite honestly. I've never considered the resurrection factor in this particular light... the first hand witness, expert opinion side of cross examination. That there might actually be a human authority who could speak to the reality question of eternity.
I know. I know, dear honest atheist. I can't prove the resurrection. I can't prove eternity. But if I'm to be logically and intellectually honest, whether I'm an honest atheist or an honest Christian, I have to concede that the best I can give either side is that there's a 50/50 chance they are right and it boils down to accepting either viewpoint by (cough) faith.
I know it's idiotic for a 53 year old stay at home housewife to come up with definitive conclusions, but here's the deal. The fact that a person is unpublished does not make them stupid. Logic stands on its own apart from my IQ. And logically, I'm realizing something really crucial here.
I don't have to prove God.
If He is Who He says He is, then the burden of proof is on Him. Logically, if He wants to be God and He wants me to believe in Him.... He'll have to prove Himself.
For me personally, I've begun to smile. I look at it this way: the painting I can't post yet has a story behind it that could only be God's hand. (Specific prayers. Specific answers.) But I have to wait to post that picture because certain things have to happen before I can reveal it. In fact, parts of the story I'll never share because... well... because I love the people involved. There's no immorality, underhanded dealings or dishonestly. In fact, just the opposite. There's great generosity, kindness and caring behind it. The story would be theirs to share if they wanted, but mine to be grateful for. Just because I'm not giving you the whole story doesn't mean it's not true or that you are not important, or that I don't love you. It's just not beneficial.
God's like that with me. He gives our relationship 100% of Himself. I'm working on my 100%. I'm far more selfish than He is, but the bottom line is this:
Both the atheist and I will have to wait till we die to know for sure, proof positive, whether there's an eternity or not.
I have not even looked at the possible evidence of Christ yet, (that's another day of laundry folding and thinking) but I find I can not logically understand why I should ever become an atheist. It just doesn't make sense.
Maybe they're right. I doubt it. But we'll both just have to wait and see.
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