dive, dive, dive!

Alrighty then, I'm now at the point where I have no idea what's next.  When I started this, I had read ahead just a bit.  I think I read the whole chapter that first morning I got spurred to blog through it.  But I can't remember what I'm about to read next.

This morning, I'm a mom filled with worry and fatigue.

This morning, I'm a magazine editor facing a wall.

This morning, I'm a little girl afraid to go outside.

This morning, I'm a daughter who does not do enough for her aging parents.

This morning, I've sent my husband to fend for himself at his new job without a note of encouragement from me in his lunch.

Lord, who are YOU this morning?  If I could ask to be anything this morning.... I was going to say I'd ask to be teachable.  But that was just me trying to pray something honorable on a blog.

I think this morning, I'd just like to be yours.


I Cor 1:22-24 For indeed Jews ask for signs and Greeks search for wisdom; 23but we preach Christ crucified, to Jews a stumbling block and to Gentiles foolishness, 24but to those who are the called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.


Can I just say that typing out "I Corinthians" every morning is weird.  It feels so ... so what..  so "Biblical" or something.  And by that, I mean old, dusty, boring.  AND YET, every time I come here I find it any BUT old, dusty or boring. 

 I'm trying to imagine what Corinth was to the people.  It wasn't Rome (Washington, DC) from where all the political decisions ultimately spewed.  

I'm going to break down and look at a map.  Ewww... SO making me feel scholarly.  OH GOD, 
Puh -lease don't make me be dusty, old, boring...  

 -----------------http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isthmus_of_Corinth#mediaviewer/File:Corinth_Isthmus.jpg--------(If you want to see an arial view, and a cool picture of the canal)


OK, I'm back.  Corinth is gone now.  The ruins are 50 miles away from Athens, which means almost nothing to me.  But here's what I did learn.  It was on the water which meant shipping and beaches.  A lot of money flowed in and out of Corinth.  So I'm thinking Wall Street, Merrill-Lynch...  A lot of cool architecture.....  Lots of art,  lots of world cultures flowing in and out.  ...so I'm putting this together to say lots of fashion originating here. 

Being a Southerner, I think of Atlanta.  Knowing that if I wanted to fly south to Florida I'd first have to fly North to Atlanta to get a connecting plane makes me think Corinth might have been like the Atlanta of the South.  After all, we grew up knowing the phrase:

 

 "Whether you're going to Heaven or Hell, you'll still have to change planes in Atlanta."

700 × 425 - fanpop.com

But now I'm thinking Corinth was more like NYC?  Not known for having a lot of Christians, proud of it's immorality,  oozing with raw creativity,  skyscrapers full of people making lots of money who will be buried without it.  New York.  Very exciting and fun place to visit, but I wouldn't really want to live there. 

 

2400 × 1800 - ljic.edu

CORINTH!  (NYC? BOSTON?  ATLANTA?  DALLAS? TACOMA?  SEATTLE?)  Where Paul got so frustrated, he walked out and God made him go back and not give up for another year and a half.  (Acts 18)


Simple truth looks so boring to the fashion forward, the entrepreneur, the next Broadway headliner...

The Jews looked for a sign..... something BIG!  Something exciting!  Something CNN!  Something that rocked the headlines.

The Greeks looked for something that made sense, that would be Harvard, Princeton, Yale worthy.  Something experience and age could back up.

And God didn't give it to them......... and yet he did.  It's like looking at the surface of the water and saying there's not life under that surface because a) it's not jumping up out of the water like a dolpin spiraling upwards out the ocean   or b)  I can't see it from where I sit on the shore therefore it is not either useful to me nor necessary for anyone else.

....but to those who are called, both miracle seekers and wisdom hunters, Christ the powerful miracle and the wisdom of God.

Dive, dive, dive!!!!       

the crazy cross

I'm extremely tired this morning.  I tossed and turned all night for no apparent reason.  I woke up this morning thinking I knew what I'd write about today's verse.  It's what made me start this whole thing in a way, or I should say it's what made me want to write.

It's Sos.  (Sosthenes)

I Cor 1: 14-16     I thank God that I baptized none of you except Crispus and Gaius, 15so that no one would say you were baptized in my name. 16Now I did baptize also the household of Stephanas; beyond that, I do not know whether I baptized any other.

Here's Paul rolling full forward in his train of thought, trying to be accurate, trying to make a point.  He says, "I didn't baptize a single one of you except Crispus and Gaius so no one would say you were baptized in my name."

STOP!  I remember distinctly reading this, stopping right there at that period (.) and thinking, "Huh, I would have thought he'd have baptized more people than that."

And here's where I imagine I hear Sos gently reminding Paul,  "Um, didn't you baptize the household of Stephanus?"

My NIV reads, (Yes, I also baptized the household of Stephanus; beyond that, I don't remember if I baptized anyone else.)

I love the parentheses right there.  It's a side comment.  Can't you just hear the patient/impatience?  Such a mom thing.  So many times I've tried to make a deep point to my kids and they get hung up on a detail.  Yes, I want to be accurate.  Yes, I want to represent the truth, but I'm trying to make a point here...

Maybe it's just me, but I think that one verse is cute and well, really funny.

Is that OK, to get tickled about scripture?  Feels a bit un religious... but there's that verse that says, "When a man loses all his hair, he is bald." (Lev 13:40)   Nooooo.... really?  What a keen sense of the obvious.  I adore bald men, by the way, and have always thought them extremely intriguing and handsome.  (NOTE:  Yes, I KNOW that verse was distinguishing between a natural hair loss and a disease that might need to be treated.  And I've put this side comment of accuracy in parentheses just for you.  insert smile here )

But right here      ---------------   Right     here ----------  This is not enough.

Sure, I feel like I have something pithy to say.  I could skate through and maybe have a "succesful" blog entry.  But this       is        not        enough.

Right here the September 15 words of "Jesus Calling" are echoing.....

Rest in me, my child.  This time devoted to Me is meant to be peaceful, not stressful.  You don't have to perform (blog) in order to receive My Love.  How it grieves Me to see My children working for Love: trying harder and harder, yet never feeling good enough to be loved.       Be careful that your devotion to Me does not become another form of works .  I want you to come into My Presence joyfully and confidently.  You have nothing to fear, for you wear My own righteousness.  Gaze into My eyes, and you will see no condemnation, only Love and delight in the one I see.  Be blessed as My Face shines radiatly upon you, giving you Peace.   (Jn 14-13; Zeph 3:17; Num 6:25-26)   p.270  


If you do not own Jesus Calling,  please get it.  If you have and don't read it, please find it and crack it open.  You will be blessed.

So Lord, Jesus.  I've written about yesterday's bread.  But I'm hungry today.  Please?

I Cor 1:17 For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel--not with wisdom and eloquence, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.

There it is.  I felt that tug to write something clever.  But the cross of Christ speak for itself.  This is good news.  So many times I don't want to talk about the cross because so many people have irritated me with the way they bottle  and label it.  

Paul was able to speak with eloquence..... if he wanted to.  He was highly educated and definitely a skilled debater.  But no matter how many words he could use, he says:


I Cor 1:18-21

18For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
19For it is written,
         “I WILL DESTROY THE WISDOM OF THE WISE,
         AND THE CLEVERNESS OF THE CLEVER I WILL SET ASIDE.”
20Where is the wise man? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not come to know God, God was well-pleased through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe.

Oh wow,  Paul even used that word "debater."  Lord, thank you for those small confirmations that I'm hearing you.     

I can think of one friend in particular who will be ever stirring the pot.  I confess, I threw my own spoon in on occasion and tried to stir the vortex the other way.  But God is WELL PLEASED to use foolishness  of what was preached - the cross, Jesus crucified and resurrected  - to draw his foolish children back to Him.

Lord, it's true.  The cross is crazy.  You gave up your only Son to save people who will never want you enough.  To give life to people who will never really live for you.  And yet I'm sitting here tapping out a prayer, knowing you hear me, taking it for granted........ because of that crazy cross.  It doesn't make sense - at all! - until I look at your loving gaze.  So much love.  Nothing makes sense until I see it in the light of your love.   

Thinking about all the absurd events recorded in the Bible, I can see why people get upset with it.  But standing here, wrapped up in the sleeves of His robes, I can see that ev-e-ry thing before the cross leads up to it.  Everything after the cross flows from it.

Once upon a time, I wrote Brennan Manning a letter.  I asked him why things still hurt so long after you forgive someone... and why sometimes, forgiving someone takes time after time of coming to the Lord.  He wrote me back and said,  "I don't know."  He suggested I put a crucifix on the wall and focus on it, that I would most likely find my answers at the cross.

Not being Catholic, I don't have a crucifix, but I have a vivid imagination.        .....and I confess I don't like crucifixes.  Seeing my resurrected Jesus hanging there makes me a little peeved.  But I will say this.

I am beginning to see that unless I come to a point of really seeing him hanging there in pain,  I will never really see who it is that is here with me resurrected.

Billy Graham always talked about the cross.  Even as a Bible believing Christian, it irritated me.  "I've heard that!  I want more!"

What a foolish girl I've been,  so very much in need of the crazy cross.

And now, I'm going to.......

 ...rest.

...sticky things

I Cor 1:13 - 17  Has Christ been divid

ed? Paul was not crucified for you, was he? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul? 14I thank God that I baptized none of you except Crispus and Gaius, 15so that no one would say you were baptized in my name. 16Now I did baptize also the household of Stephanas; beyond that, I do not know whether I baptized any other. 17For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, not in cleverness of speech, so that the cross of Christ would not be made void. 


Yeah.  I had to back up and start again here.

At the Beth Moore Simulcast, day before yesterday,
I faced my old nemesis - jealousy.

And I can only say this,  the taproot

 

is gone
as a result of being core honest and letting someone I have been jealous of pray for me.

Being jealous of someone doesn't mean you don't like them.  In this case, just the opposite.

Jealousy is such a mask wearing sneaky thing.  

Unlike some strongholds that cripple our lives with jagged claws, jealousy is more like a sticky oozy glue

that molds around us

so subtly that it feels like a warm coat

... at first.  

I have been so "clothed" in jealousy for so long that I've even been jealous of my own children at times. 

But something broke as she prayed.

 As we talked, she gave me permission not to be everything to everyone... she gave me permission not to be in ministry in the "normal" ways    (small group leader, teacher, hostess, planner)

She encouraged me to continue with this blog.  I'm never quite sure who reads this, and in one sense it doesn't matter.  But at this moment it did.  She had read it.  I felt "seen".

As we laughed about being our age and still struggling with comparisons, I heard myself repeating the scripture I'd blogged about that morning... only it was in context of our conversation...

"Right!  Why would I compare myself to someone else?   Did she die on the cross for me?  Was I baptized in her name?"

Then my friend prayed a simple acknowledgement that it was time for this to be done.  And it was.  It is.... done.  It was done not by my honesty, not by her prayer, but by the simple fact of the cross and what was done there by Jesus Christ who DID die on the cross for me.  "It is finished."

...(wow)...   um...  wow.

Later in the seminar, I stood in humility to be prayed for as one who was carrying the wounds given me by a couple of other women.  "You'll know if this is you if it still hurts... I have a scar on my knee, but I can touch it and it doesn't hurt at all anymore... but if you think of that woman and it still hurts, then it still needs healing..."  As the women close by my chair prayed for me, something "rolled off" and it was just done.

A few minutes later, it was my turn to pray over one of my closest friends as a woman who had been wounded by men.   As I prayed for her, Beth Moore prayed out the words that God would restore the years the locusts had eaten.  Joel 2:25.  (This was a scripture I had prayed over my friend many times.  No woman should ever have to go through what she did.)

Suddenly, I inhaled with my mouth open and was bathed in such peace that I opened my eyes surprised that I wasn't coming up out of the water!  It was a physical, deep but soft gasp of air as if I had been under water and came up and sucked in the sweetest, purest, most sparkling peaceful air.   It wasn't like I had been drowning, but I had come up out of the water and it was clean.  Everything was rich and "foresty" and clean.

I didn't really know what to make of it.

I had this peaceful smile and the best way to describe it was that I no longer felt embarrassed.

We finished praying and as Beth Moore went on to different areas of prayer, my friend leaned over and said,  "While everyone was praying, it was like I saw torrents of water coming all over me and cleansing me."   I told her about my "deep breath." only I described it wrongly the first time.  As I reviewed it,  I realized it was like being baptized, but in really deep water... and that, at some point in that prayer for her, I had seen a swimming pool.  It was dry because it had been drained so that it could be swept clean, repaired  - and was now ready to be filled.  It was such a parallel to where my sweet friend and I have both been this past year in particular.

"Pray for one another that you may be healed"  kept going through my mind.  I prayed for her, and I got healed.  No one was more surprised than me.  "Rejoice with one another, that your joy may be complete"       I was so excited for her that I got the completion of my healing.

.......So I've just looked up that first verse.  It's James 5:16  15and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him. 16Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.

I have just lived in the truth of that verse.  Like the poor woman who lived her life on the sidelines because of her issues, I suddenly didn't care who saw me.

I just had to touch even just the hem of what he wore and it would change what I wore.

He is clothed in righteousness, I was clothed in rags but trying to use silly scraps to cover myself.

For the first time in my life, I do not feel ugly.

I know that jealousy will try to stick itself to me again.

But as of September 13, 2014 I'm healed. 

When jealousy tries to attach itself, yes it will touch me,

but it will be like someone trying to post a sticky note to a waterfall.

Start counting...

Divisions in the church.

That's the heading over I Cor 1:10-16 in my Bible.

I Cor 1:11-13

My brothers, some from Chloe's household have informed me that there are quarrels among you.  What I mean is this:  One of you says, "I follow Paul", another, "I follow Apollos"; still another, "I follow Christ."  

Is Christ divided?  Was Paul crucified for you?  Were you baptized into the name of Paul?  I am thankful.......  (let's just stop right there.)


 As a mom, I can just hear the silence in the room when this letter gets read.  She's counting to calm her frustration.

The guilty party react in various ways.  The avoiders glare at Chloe for telling on them.  The pot stirrers walk behind whispering how Paul should not be confronting them in public like that.  The contrite stare at the floor.  The defiant are preparing their defenses even before the accusation is complete.

But one thing is for sure... they're guilty.

But I keep wondering who was in Chloe's household?  Am I a woman like her... someone whose household is respected enough that if we sent word to Paul, he'd respond trusting the information is a true concern and needs to be addressed?  Am I wise in a verse 5 kind of way?

Who was Chloe, Lord?  Am I anything like her?  Do I need to be more like her?

Then Paul drops the questions, like a mama who has stood her children in the corner after they wrote on the walls with crayons....Is Christ divided?  Was Paul crucified for you?

Well?

          divisions in the church..........   a need for unity...........  

"I go to the first church of the biggest youth group"  "I go to the same church as the famous singer."  "I go to the exciting church where they dress like hipsters and everyone is cutting edge."  "I go to the church where the Bible is really preached but I don't really have to do anything about it."

Is Christ divided?  Somehow, I think Christ knows His own.

He recognizes the handwriting of the wall writers.

 

How many times have I been a pot stirrer?  Just a little comment here, just a little whining there. 

How many times have I tried the mold the church into my own image?











Was Paul crucified for you?  Was anybody famous crucified for me?  No ....  only Christ was crucified for me.  I was baptized in the name of Christ, not Paul, not Beth Moore, not Kay Arthur, not Francis Chan, not Andy Stanley......

I am thankful........    me too, Paul.  I am thankful. 

Here's this problem.... a BIG one .....  sandwiched in Paul's thankful heart.  Paul was thankful.  I have a feeling that was a HUGE part of God's being able to use him.  Something to think about.

Wait! I've been set up!

Distracted.  I       am        so         distracted this morning.  (Squirrel!) 

I woke up thinking, "I should only write a little so people will have time to read it."  "I should pick one word and focus on that."   "I should take a picture to illustrate each step." 

Basically what I was saying - really - was, "I should write this for other people."  "I should come at I Corinthians for what I can tell others they should learn."   YUK!  


So Lord, here I am.  An empty chalkboard with just a couple of words barely outlined. 

I took photos of the tiling job yesterday, but if what I heard you saying yesterday doesn't fit in with what I read today, then I won't try to force it.  I'm asking for pixie dust today a la Wonderstruck.  I love that book.  Thanks for creating Margaret Feinberg.  Thanks for creating me.



(NOTE:  I'm reading WONDER STRUCK by Margaret Feinburg.  I don't like to recommend books unless I've finished it, but I can highly recommend chapters .001 - .004)

I     have      no     idea      what   I Cor 1:10  says.  Time to find out.


I Cor 1: 10  0Now I exhort you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all agree and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be made complete in the same mind and in the same judgment.

I'm giggling in a mother sort of way.  When I look these verses up, I use both my Bible and my computer.  Most of the verses frustrate me because all the translations are so close that I end up wanting more.... more variety, more depth,  more angles.  (Funny/ironic how differences can give you a clearer picture of something.)

I'm giggling because THIS verse gave me LOTS of variety  ---- and (snarf) the verse is about unity but the translations were not quite unified!     They varied to:  thinking the same way, having one mind, agreeing with, speaking the same thing, being in harmony.  They look the same, but within the whole verse and their own verbage were undertones of varying opinions.  

And then the playing out of those terms was slightly different between the translations:  one mind and judgment, thought and purpose, same mind and purpose,  perfected in one mind and in one conscience,  united in understanding and opinions,  joined together in the same understanding and in the same perception.    (Did you catch how some of these definitions started to slide out of the actual "working it out" side of unity?)  They say basically the same thing, but tiny nuances become springboards for great debates when you try to define unity.  

Is it possible to have everyone think the same thing?  How can Paul ask for that?  What I see of the church is pretty messy, honestly.


Let me side track:  Four days ago my hands were deep in grout and the phone rang.  Yeah, you get the picture.

But it was Rich.  I always answer for my family, no matter what... unless the vacuum drowns out the ringer... or I'm in the shower....     

Rich had just been approached with an opportunity to transfer to another position at work.  He put in for a transfer more than once over the past 3 years but timing is everything.  However, THIS timing was crazy!  Rich is a teacher.  Until yesterday, he was a music specialist who taught all 500+ kids in the school.  Now, suddenly, he's a third grade classroom teacher.  BAM!  Not the usual preparation time you'd like to get.  No lunch totes, no fun charts on the walls, not even any scotch tape to put the new kid's name on his desk.  But yesterday, my husband walked in the door and said, "I had the best day!"   I smiled, kissed him and affirmed this new definition with, "Yay!  You haven't said that in several years."  We both realized how profound that was.   Honestly, I feel like I got my husband back!

 But for a very short time four days ago, all the pieces were in place but it was muddy.  It seemed pretty messy.  As we talked on the phone, we had to start wiping off the layers gently to see what it was supposed to be.  We laid out the pros and cons for us and for the students, but especially for Rich himself.  Transferring to classroom was something we knew would be healthy, but staying in the same building where Rich had built up an amazing program wouldn't make sense to a lot of kids .... and parents.  

As we wiped away the issues, it began to get clear.  But it was still a bit hazy.  In the end, it boiled down to this.  Before the year started, Rich was so tired going in!  He felt deflated.  There was none of that bursting energy, new year, fresh start stuff.  (Not a good way to start the year.)  So he asked the Lord, "If you're not shifting me out of this job, then would you tell me why I'm there."  (We had assumed getting back into the classroom would mean going to a different school.)  He got the word "UNITY" and it gave him enough purpose to decide to be dedicated and enthusiastic.   

So as I held the phone with one hand and kept wiping gently with the other, the question became clear.  "OK, so if God gave you the word "UNITY" as your purpose, then which position (staying in music or going to 3rd grade) will give you the best venue to promote unity among the staff and in your building?"  We listed the pros... wipe.....wipe.....wipe....   We listed the cons.....wipe.....wipe.....wipe.....  Then, like between sponging sessions, we decided to let it sit for 20 minutes.

Just that little bit of waiting with God cleared things up.










It won't be perfect, but all the pieces are in place.  It will need some finishing touches and then upkeep, but it's all there.  (both the tile and the job.)

We had these tiles for several years and are just now getting them in place.  Same with Rich's decision to shift out of music at school.  


AND THE KEY WORD to the unity Paul asked for in verse 10 hinges on one word!.... "NOW"

TIMING IS EVERYTHING!

But that "now" is about more than timing.  It's also like a "therefore".  Everything I need to know about unity hinges on verses 1-9.  What Paul set up in those verses IS what we agree on.   

It's Jesus.  Jesus the giver of grace.  Jesus the giver of every good gift including SETUP: our speech and our knowledge.  

Yeah, so when he tells them to speak (v10)  the same thing, he's saying our speech (v5) comes from a platform of grace.  (They were set up!)   (hmmm... most translations say you have to speak the same thing to be in agreement... it's not enough just to think quietly.  We have to talk... and we have to say the same thing.)

When tells them to be of the same mind (v10),  our knowledge (v5) comes from the gift of Christ.

Seriously, are you seeing what I'm seeing?  This divine set up?  This foundational provision from God to enable us to do what He's asking for?


When Paul says, "don't let there be any divisions among you" he has set them up to see that Jesus is the one who presents us blameless (v8), instead of blame throwing.

vs. 9 is a setup!  "God, who has called you into FELLOWSHIP WITH WITH WITH his son JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD is faithful."

Let me repeat that set up, highlighting the framework I can suddenly see!  WIPE.....

"God, who has called you into fellowship with his son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful."

And again.........  wipe!

 "God, who has called you into fellowship with his son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful."

God is faithful....  so if he asks us for unity, it must be possible!

Tah DAH!

fig leaves and fellowship, the incompatible pair

Blogging can make you feel like you need to have something profound to say... like you should be an expert, or you shouldn't be writing.

But for this journey, I'm realizing that's just plain ridiculous.  The whole point of this blog is based on what I DON'T know.

In fact, coming to the book of 1 Corinthians as if I were an expert is like Adam and Eve realizing they are naked and putting on those ridiculous fig leaves.

Sorry, the silliness of this has my sarcastic side imagining God saying, "OMS (oh my Self)!  I never knew you were naked! "

  In my case, when I feel I don't measure up and I want to avoid God, my fig leaves of choice are homemade, dark chocolate chip cookies. 

Feeling inadequate?  Wrap yourself in a cookie.  Feeling guilty for being less than Vogue Magazine says you should be?  Have another.  House not ready to be featured on HGTV?  These cookies don't require decorating or cleaning.  Not the Beth Moore, Priscilla Shirer, or famous spiritual leader you thought you would be by this time in your life?  Eat 3.

Besides, they are made with the very best ingredients: whole wheat flour, organic sugar, organic chocolate chips.

There's nothing wrong with the ingredients, or even the cookie.  There's just something wrong with the thinking behind what they are for.

It's like a kindergartener breaking their arm and thinking a popsicle will magically heal the broken bone.

So here I am backtracking.  I Corinthians... I can't get past verse 7 this morning.  Referring to yesterday's post, my amazing friend Robin responded on facebook, "Just beautiful!! I noticed and then went back and put me in it!! Love that. Happy birthday to your beautiful, sweet Mama"

My fig leaf ripped and left me a little exposed.  I wrote back, "Robin Peterson, so cool you put your name in! True confession? I haven't put my name in yet. Guess I better go do that and practice what I'm learning, huh? Thanks for the challenge!"

So here I am this morning.  I Cor 1:4-7 (and on to verse 9 as well)  I'm making this a personal prayer:

I thank you, my God, always concerning, um, myself for the grace of You, God, which was given me in You, Christ Jesus, 5that in everything I was enriched in You, in all speech and all knowledge, 6even as the testimony concerning You was confirmed in me, 7so that I am not lacking in any gift, awaiting eagerly the revelation of you, my Lord Jesus Christ, 8who will also confirm me to the end, blameless in the day of my Lord Jesus Christ. 9God, You are faithful, through whom I was called into fellowship with Your Son, Jesus Christ my Lord.  

As I clunk awkwardly through this transition, I'm blown away.  How many times the name of Jesus runs over my lips.


 I have to break this down.  I need to think.

I thank you, my God, always concerning, um, myself  so very hard to do...  Why should I not thank him for myself?   AAARGH!  So hard to write!  So uncomfortable.  So embarrassing.  He has given me myself.  I feel exposed.  Where is my fig leaf!  I can't think why I'm so upset with this, but I could have given him so much more.  He could have given himself so much more. 

 ....myself for the grace of You, God, which was given me in You, Christ Jesus    there it is.  Grace.  Somehow, when You see me, You see your son.  We are covered.  No need for fig leaves.  There's no shame in our nakedness when the relationship is the groom loving his bride.  Hmmm... I have to look:  Gen 3:21 says, "The Lord made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them."  It doesn't say, but I can't help but wonder if maybe the skin was lambskin.  Covered in Christ, our passover lamb?   You hung totally, embarrassingly exposed on the cross... for us... for me.  

Why do we pretend that wasn't hard for you?

that in everything  everything.  I guess if you said "everything" then you meant, well, every-thing.  that in everything I was enriched in You  I was... past tense.  Done deal.  I have been enriched in You!  In!  You!  

 in all speech and all knowledge I know this is in the context of the whole body, but that body is accessible to ME!  The hand is not the hair, but it can shampoo, dry and style the hair.  The mouth feeds even the foot.  THIS IS SO COOL!

 even as the testimony concerning You was confirmed in me,  The first hand account about what Jesus did is made true  IN ME!  


This next phrase deserves some white space!


so that I am not lacking in any gift

On day one, I promised to read this at face value. "If God said it, then he meant it."   So... if he says I'm not lacking in any gift, then (in the context of being part of this body) I am not lacking any gift!  His peace, security, purpose, confidence, wisdom, healing,  _____________fill in the blank!  If He said "ANY" then, that means ANY!  Otherwise, He's a liar or a fool and not worth following.

awaiting eagerly the revelation of you, my Lord Jesus Christ,  Am I?  eagerly waiting?  Am I excitedly anticipating the fact that you will reveal yourself, Lord Jesus?  Or am I hiding behind fig leaves dreading the sound of your footsteps....    Do I GET it?  What you did?  Grace?  Do I even have a clue yet?  Lord Jesus, please show me this. 

who will also confirm me to the end, blameless in the day of my Lord Jesus Christ.  OH  MY  GOD!  Literally!  Passionately.  OH MY WORD!  Before I sat down to come to this phrase, YOU set me up!  Thinking about fig leaves, Genesis, blame and shame, the lamb, the covering, YOU CLOTHE ME!  .... it's all right there in that one word  blameless .  Not just blameless, but blameless in the day....  YOUR day, not night.  YOUR day, the day YOU created.  YOU own it.  On the day you come, the day that I would otherwise dread, YOU present me.  You do it all!  It's too much.

God, You are faithful, through whom I was called into fellowship with Your Son, Jesus Christ my Lord.  

I  have   just   seen   my    lifetime    CALLING!!!!    Do you see it?   "I was called into fellowship with Jesus Christ my Lord!!!!!!! "  That fellowship with Jesus is my specific calling!

        All the rest is fig leaves. 

I always thank God for my Mama

I Cor 1: 4-9    I always thank my God for Mom because of his grace given her in Christ Jesus. 5For in him Mom has been enriched in every way—with all kinds of speech and with all knowledge— 6God thus confirming our testimony about Christ within Mom. 7Therefore Mom does not lack any spiritual gift as she eagerly waits for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. 8He will also keep her firm to the end, so that she will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9God is faithful, who has called my precious mom into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.


I never know what I'm getting into when I start reading.  Should I read just one verse a day?  Chew on a section for several days? Through the Bible in a year?

I'm such a cluttered mind.  This is my "in" basket. It looks a lot like my brain.  HGTV waiting for me!  Junk mail, receipts from our vacation, bills,  a painted rock from a fearless young artist who mixed fingernail polish and water because no one told her she couldn't (and it worked!), the dummy of the magazine I now work for and the mystery of things not yet seen.

And this

is the aftermath of my mama's 89th birthday party last night. 

Psst...Did you notice I'd inserted her name into the scripture above or did you just skim it?  

Did you stop and read it word for word?  ... or did you think you actually already knew all it had to say?   Did you realize it is a personal word to you, not just the Corinthians who may just as well have been the Martians for all the connection you feel with them?  Who really cares about an ancient society?  I identify more with Jane Austen's world, and it was fiction for Pete's Sake.  (Sorry, when I use the word "you" I'm preaching to myself.   I do that sometimes.)

And then I read it as if it were specifically mine.  

I always thank my God for my Mama because of his grace given her in Christ Jesus.

5For in him Mom has been enriched in every way

with all kinds of speech and with all knowledge— God thus confirming our testimony about Christ within Mom.

 7Therefore Mom does not lack any spiritual gift as she eagerly waits for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed.
  

 8He will also keep her firm to the end, so that she will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.

 God is faithful, who has called my precious mom into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

I don't think I need to hear anything else this morning.  My heart is full.  This is enough.