and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power,
Today, I scrolled facebook before coming here. Yeah, I know... but let's not get hung up on when to have a quiet time right now.
The point is, through a post from an Alabama high school friend now living in Virginia, I saw a comment from another friend from Massachusetts, my college art professor! Both friends are college professors, actually. I have no idea how they know each other, but I sent a message...
When you haven't talked to someone in over twenty years, you wonder if they'll remember you. You always prologue with "Not sure if your remember me..." And then, you try your best to sound somewhat interesting and intelligent. And then, if you had a professor like mine, you try to communicate that they made a difference in your life, a line in the tattoo of the indelible moments that make you unique.
And I sat down here at my computer, after listening to the rich and powerful voice of my art professor's daughter. I've been feeling very small and wondering what I've done with my art life.
In some crazy act of faith, I sent him an unfinished image of a challenge I was given by my friend Steve Altabef.
Paint a self portrait.
Truth? I don't know how this almost life sized painting will turn out any more than I know how my own life will turn out.
This painting is unfinished. It's not ready to be framed. I don't mind people seeing it, but I pray they won't judge it yet. But I'm posting it in faith that it will become something.
Words. Trying to find some. What words can I use right now?
Self portraits are usually faces. Anyone looking for that expression will be a bit let down, or maybe think I missed the assignment. Maybe I did. I actually started this before I realized this was/is my self portrait. (I had something else in mind when he challenged me. Smaller, more predictable, more acceptable.)
But I've never tried to fill a big canvas before. I have such a rich background to pull from. Underneath I'm stained with mistakes, self-righteousness, rebellion in a feminine form. And people walk through our family room and are stopped by it. They like it. I like it to because it's real.
But the dress will be white. I think maybe I'll use a palette knife which is something I have only dabbled with... I'm intimidated by the thought of trying it. Failure is highly likely. It seems so extravagant to use so much expensive paint.
But God's love for me is extravagant. If I can somehow convey that... that "how He loves me" thing... and let it override my flat undertones while allowing them to show through in honesty...
...then maybe my preaching/painting will be a demonstration of Spirit and power.
If you paint, then you'll understand what this next sentence means.
I have only once in my life painted my own soul on canvas, and even then I didn't risk all... If I can walk down this aisle and actually put on this dress, it will be a real wedding.
But honestly, if God wants to give me a gorgeous white garment that invites me to share His name, His home, His family, His love....... I would be such an idiot to hold back saying, "I'm not enough."
I Cor 2:5 so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.
(And right now, I hear the echo of my sweet husband, Rich, saying the same loving phrase he has repeated since before we even married, "You need to paint." When he says it, it sounds just like "I love you." I want to submit to such love... sigh... but I'm such a rebel.)
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