I Cor 2: 9-16
9but just as it is written,
“THINGS WHICH EYE HAS NOT SEEN AND EAR HAS NOT HEARD,
AND which HAVE NOT ENTERED THE HEART OF MAN,
ALL THAT GOD HAS PREPARED FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM.”
10For to us God revealed them through the Spirit; for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God. 11For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God. 12Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God, 13which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words.
14But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised. 15But he who is spiritual appraises all things, yet he himself is appraised by no one. 16For WHO HAS KNOWN THE MIND OF THE LORD, THAT HE WILL INSTRUCT HIM? But we have the mind of Christ.
...for those who love Him.
I didn't sleep well last night. The words of a desperate mom are haunting me.
Last night, Laina and I were chatting while getting ready for bed. Oddly enough, both of us had been recently thrown under the bus. In unrelated events, both of us got criticized for choices that didn't fit the tastes of the "critical spirits". The critics had absolutely no role or responsibility in these choices. But these two individuals informed us that we had missed the mark and that they were the self proclaimed experts who should be allowed to consult us. In both cases, the remarks were overheard by others who quickly let us know that the critics were totally out of line and off base. And as off base as these critics were, the comments were still wounding.
Both critics call themselves Christians, but have a reputation for being clueless. Both critics have worn out many welcome mats with others who have since written them off. In these two unrelated instances, Laina and I were merely in target range. But it still hurt.
As we finished our late night mother/daughter chat, we realized I forgot to order my daughter's foot brace, so I came back downstairs to get it done. I noticed an email on my work address that is still weighing heavily on me. Yet another female left wounded by a Christian. I'm wondering if the "wound giver" in her life is the same kind of person as the critics.
The email? It was from a potential writer who was responding to my request for a writing sample, but it was late and she ended up writing out the most painful life story. She was married to a "Jesus wanna be" and then divorced. Shortly after the split, her little girl was kidnapped and raped. Her sons' lives have been full of pain that went into polar extremes - one into controlling his world through success, the other into escaping his world through travel, drugs, and now a commune. The writer's little girl is now grown and estranged from this writer/mom. The writer/mom is grieving, angry and desperate to be really seen. All she can see is pain. Someone who said they knew you, Jesus, threw mud in her face and now she can't see.
In fact, she is so tired of seeing moms celebrate their children that she is closing down her facebook page.
She has been hurt, and little does she know, I sit here as the embodiment of everything she's railing against.
And yet, she chooses to pour herself out to me.
When she sent the email, the only thing she knew about me was that I'm the editor of a magazine currently interviewing writers for our publication. That's it.
And yet, she chooses to pour herself out to me.
She so desperately needs to be heard that she poured herself out in page after detailed page to someone she's never met and knows nothing about. And yet that someone was me.
Wisdom. If I ever needed wisdom.
Professionally, it probably was not a great career move on her part to introduce herself with this amount of personal information. But something compelled her to pour herself out to me.
What do I do with this?
Right now, the word Christian wears the face of her "Jesus wanna be" ex who her daughter has chosen to spend time with over her. The man who needed a restraining order years ago due to his mental abuse of his family. Who could blame her for being bitter?
What do I do with this? Why can Christians be so ugly? Why do you allow your followers to act like that?
I knew I had to respond. I knew I was pulled back downstairs for this moment and for this email. All I could do was thank her for her honesty and giving me insight into the side effects of her daughter's rape... and into the lives of girls who have been trafficked.
As to the fact that she had unknowingly written to me, a Christian, I felt I could only ask her a question that has become something for me to ask myself about as well. I wrote:
....you used a phrase about your ex often; "Jesus wanna be"
I think there's this tiny line - but it is a deep, deep chasm - between people who try to follow Jesus and people who try to mistakenly feel like they have to BE Jesus. The first group of people realize their great need; the second group seems to focus on the needs they perceive in others.
What damage do we do in thinking we have to BE you?
We offer advice with such presumption, such pride. It pains me to think how many times I've done this. But here's a question: For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God.
If I for one second think I am the answer, then I become the critic. I assume... no, I presume, to have the mind of God.
BUT! And here is the deep line!!!! Just because I screw up doesn't mean You did, Jesus. Just because I get in the way of others being able to see You doesn't mean You're not there to be seen.
“THINGS WHICH EYE HAS NOT SEEN AND EAR HAS NOT HEARD,
AND which HAVE NOT ENTERED THE HEART OF MAN,
ALL THAT GOD HAS PREPARED FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM.”
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OK, when I went back to my email to copy the words of my response, I had a fresh email from my new friend. The writer/mom assures me that she is now happily remarried with a pretty awesome life and only sent that missive as a writing sample. She is no longer a Christian. Her ex remains an enigma to her. She said she knew she was taking a risk in sending that story, but wanted to show that she could write with good punctuation and a decent vocabulary.
And still... she chose to pour herself out to me.
I can't really judge her for walking away from Christianity if, by that word, she only received legalism. I can't blame her if maybe she still has mud in her eyes and can't see "all that God has prepared for those who love Him." If I met her on the street, I'm guessing I would like her and find her interesting. I'm pretty sure, if I just met her on the street, that I would never guess her back story.
But because she chose to pour herself out to me, I am brought closer to Christ.
Because she chose to pour herself out to me, I am asking myself hard questions. And then I'm realizing I don't have the answers so I'm redirecting them and asking God those same hard questions.
Here's the deal. I don't have the mind of God... but, um, He does.
And He's saying that there is a way for me to know HIM.
Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God, 13which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words.
Things freely given to us...
It occurs to me that if I met God on the street, I wouldn't necessarily guess His back story either. I'd never guess that this powerful ruler with those incredibly kind eyes was ever beaten, thrown in jail as an innocent man, punished for crimes he didn't commit, gossiped about, rejected by his best friends and misunderstood by his own family.
But he chose to pour himself out to me.
God, You've told me your story and I can never see you again at face value. I can not "un-know" the story of your past pain. It makes who you are make sense.
Funny how I can sometimes see you best when I close my eyes and just listen while you speak.
Right now, I'm thankful that both the mom/writer and the mom lover have allowed me to read their stories.
Lord Jesus, right now I'm so newly convinced how very powerful words are. I'm also so terribly convicted by how careless I have been with them. Please forgive me for how many times I've talked about you because I wanted to be heard rather than wanting for You to be heard. Forgive me for standing so comfortably in line with the jerks who judged. Could I please cross over that thin line and stand on your side?
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