I COR 4:4-5  For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord. 5Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men’s hearts; and then each man’s praise will come to him from God. 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kvw6SkZ4cGI 

Are you wounded this morning?  Put on this soft version of "Your Grace is Enough", Matt Maher version and keep reading maybe?

 I woke up praying for someone very, very dear to me who is going through a pretty major redefining time.  It involves pain.  I would love to cast blame, but there's really none to cast.  Why is it that when things go horribly wrong, the first thing we do is try to throw blame?  I've been doing this all my life and I'm a really good aim.  But really, my only responsibility is to stay clean before God.

For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord.

 [ trans. ] (usu. be acquitted) free (someone) from a criminal charge by a verdict of not guilty : she was acquitted on all counts | the jury acquitted him of murder. See note at absolve .

I really wish I could see ahead in this case.

 Paul says he's not conscious of anything against himself.  That's different than saying, "I've never done anything wrong."  I'm seeing that he's kept his heart clean.  Kept short accounts.  Learned to forgive and be forgiven.  Remember back on the first day or two of this blog where I traced his timeline?  He's had some major fall outs - public fall outs - before this point.  I think he learned this lesson about jealousy being so corrupt way back in his Barnabus vs Paul days?  Yeah.  I think he learned from that.

But just because he can't think of anything, he says that's not what makes him safe.  yet I am not by this acquitted...

What makes him safe is realizing it's not others' opinions of him, or even his opinion of himself that counts in the verdict of guilty or not guilty.  It's God's opinion.

 the one who examines me is the Lord.

And somewhere along the way, Paul has gotten a grip on grace. That God's opinion of him is love.  God's opinion of him is forgiven. Paul has gotten a grip on grace.   No, I think it's more like grace got a grip on Paul?  This is where freedom comes in.  Acquitted.  Free from fighting petty battles of jealousy and possessiveness. 

When I get wounded, I instantly wish that God would withdraw his grace from the one who hurt me.  I don't say it in those words.  It comes out like, "God, show them who you are and how they need to grow in this area."  Sounds so holy... not.

I think God would far rather me be honest and say, "Lord, I'm so mad and hurt I could spit...or worse.  In myself, I wish you'd lash back at them for me so I'd feel better.   And I'm even just a wee bit mad that you keep blessing them.  How come you keep blessing someone who has left such a trail of hurt people behind them?  Why is their opinion of me so important to me anyway?  Please clean up my heart.  Somehow you let real enemies nail you to a cross and you forgave.  I'm not you.  I couldn't do that in a million years.  But you did.  Help me.  I'm so hurt, I don't even know what I need or how to pray.  I just know I need you."

 Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men’s hearts

Now that's hard. Where's the line between discernment and judging?

This morning, I think it's wrapped up in that grace thing.  It's one thing to see that someone will hurt you and set up healthy boundaries.  I think it flips over to judgement when I want them to have less of God's grace than I have... when I want God to love me more than He loves them.

Wait until the Lord comes....  timing.  Such a hard thing.  I want it done NOW.  I want to quit hurting NOW.  I want those I love to be healed NOW. 

but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men’s hearts
 
Motives....  my only job is to ask God to keep my heart clean.  Then I can walk acquitted/free so that when he comes and discloses the motives of my heart alongside the others, I've already had my motives redirected to my relationship with HIM. 

Lord, I committed to taking your word at face value.  To simply do what it says.  You say not to go on passing judgement before the time...  I really don't know when "the time" is, but I'm seeing this... You have enough grace for me AND the person who wounds, whether they wound me or someone I love. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtnE_e1LylY    Your Grace is Enough!  (Chris Tomlin version)