...where do I start, Lord?

I just sat down to my computer.

I've already done a load of laundry, fixed breakfast for the family and sent them out the door to school, checked my email and exercised.  I still need to dress for the day, make my bed, pay bills, write a skit for auditions this afternoon, plan an interview, create a spreadsheet, submit an article, sort my overflowing in box and pray for my son's midterms.  I look outside at the weeds and another list formulates about the neglected yard. 

As I took my son back to college yesterday, we - rather I - stopped for a mocha.  We talked about addictions.   I couldn't deny it.  Another list forms of things I need to address, overcome.

I have these mental lists:

I have a mental list of what it would take to be healthy.

A list for what it would take to have my house organized.  A separate list for having it be clean.

I have a list of what I should do to help my parents.

A list for how I want to help my daughter navigate these high school years.

A list of what it would take to be a good wife to my fabulous husband.

A list of what this blog should look like.

A list of friends I want to spend time with.

A list of people I want to get to know.

A list of  books I want to read.

A list of things I need to do for our next show.

A list of deadlines for the magazine.

A list of things to think about.

A list for things I want to conquer.

A list of lists....

And the clutter around me screams "failure".

I can't believe I'm actually posting these photos!  But if Christ isn't welcome to my clutter, then I'm missing the boat.

When a sailboat lists, it tilts precariously to the side.

When I sat down, I brought the tight chest that held all these lists.

WHERE DO I START, LORD?!

and I heard you say.......

Start with Me. 

So here I am.  Please teach me.

I Cor 4:1-5   Let a man regard us in this manner, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. 2In this case, moreover, it is required of stewards that one be found trustworthy. 3But to me it is a very small thing that I may be examined by you, or by any human court; in fact, I do not even examine myself. 4For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord. 5Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men’s hearts; and then each man’s praise will come to him from God. 

Ok, I just read ahead to view the whole chapter and I'm laughing.  

Paul has been spending a lot of thoughtful words explaining from every angle why this jealousy/separate camp thing is SO wrong.  This whole chapter is about Paul's relationship to "these people" and how they need to listen to him.  I can hear him saying, "You need to listen to me, because I'm the Dad!"  ("For if you were to have countless tutors in Christ, yet you would not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel.") 

And then, just like a dad (I'm still laughing), he says the classic line most parents have said when they hear their children arguing in another room,  "Do you want me to come in there?  You might want to figure this out before I get in there."    ("What do you desire? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love and a spirit of gentleness?")

But for this blog commitment, I have to look at the first verse. Let a man regard us in this manner, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. 

Am I a good steward of the mysteries of God?  Am I teaching my children these mysteries?

Am I parenting the way Paul is?  How do I become a good steward?  In this case, moreover, it is required of stewards that one be found trustworthy.  Am I trustworthy?

This is pretty basic stuff.  Someone could write a 500 page thesis on what this means and still not be personally trustworthy with the mysteries of God as they live out their daily lives.

Am I handling these mysteries in a way that my kids can see your power? Paul takes this parenting thing seriously.  He knows they're comparing him to other "authority figures".  He's telling them it's not an either/or situation.  It's "us in Christ" period.  And that includes Paul, Apollos, all the Corinthians and me.  But Paul knows they are comparing him to the other leaders; But to me it is a very small thing that I may be examined by you, or by any human court; in fact, I do not even examine myself. 

He doesn't even examine himself... wow.  I'm forever examining myself.   

For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord.  

Seriously?  He's not conscious of anything against himself?  Paul, who made some of the hugest mistakes against Christ!  And he says with full confidence, the one who examines me is the Lord.

 

(An image of full confidence!  A dear friend mailed me this card when I first started blogging.  The caption says, "Tackle it one day at a time"

Paul writes knowing that he is trustworthy.  That there is nothing against him any longer.  He's been acquitted, slate wiped clean by the Lord.  And if the Lord cleans it, then it "for dang sure" clean!  When God cleans, no one comes behind to touch up.  So when God examines what He himself has cleaned, then he sees, um - clean.  Paul's confidence isn't coming from his performance.  His confidence comes from being overwhelmed with the first hand knowledge of the power of Christ on him.

Lord, I want that!  Please do that in me!