making judgements-vs-being judgemental

I COR 2: 10-16

The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. 11For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. 12What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. 13This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words.^c 14The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. 15The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, 16for,

“Who has known the mind of the Lord

so as to instruct him?”^d

But we have the mind of Christ.

 Lord, ever on my mind are my friends who say adamantly that you don't exist.  Or that you are a distant party.  Then there are those who only seek your signs and wonders and check their minds at the door as if thinking is evil.  And yet here in your word are the most profound commentaries on any issue of life... and the evidence of the supernatural that supercedes the logical.

Lord, I'm struggling.  I watch the transvestite model aching for acceptance.  The other girl who says she's uncomfortable with "her" is instantly labeled a racist.  Then there's the lesbian with a total chip on her shoulder... we learn she hates her mother... and I see in her a little girl seeking kisses from other girls because I'd bet she never got kisses from her mommy, or her mom's unqualified praise.

And here am I, Lord.  Sweetly blessed.  

Our world views are shaped by our experiences.  My father told me I could pursue anything I wanted to be.  My conservative Christian dad believes in submission, HOWEVER, he was very clear to say that it was totally my choice and not something he would force or enforce.  He would indeed gladly lay his life down for me.  The point for both of us was a heart toward Christ.  In other words, submission sounded to me like, "I'm your dad.  What I'm asking you to do is pursue your dreams.  Do you think you'd be willing to submit to that?"

My mother gave me kisses.  My mother listened to my heart and didn't try to fix it when it was immature and seeking love in some of the wrong places.  My mother waited for me to grow into my own skin.  My mother saw past my gnarly snarking teen years and my wailing-for-the-right-man single days.  She gave me all kinds of kisses.  My mother is an independent thinker who will not take the news at face value.  She's a well read, big picture seer who has been prophetic in her assessments in too many areas for me to count.

But my parents are not perfect... not by a long shot. 

And now, as a mom of almost adults, I'm so grateful they aren't.  

I know now that I don't have to be perfect to be loved.  Others don't have to be perfect for me to love them. 

So - reading these words of Yours at face value - You tell me because Your spirit lives in me that I have the mind of Christ.

The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.

I remember praying for ** who is now obsessed with trying to prove you don't exist.  I also remember vividly the impression that ** was reserving giving all in case "it didn't work"... and it didn't, possibly because they never really surrendered?  I still wonder.

As soon as I voice any strong opinion, ** says "That's not very nice" while simultaneously calling anyone an idiot who would believe in God.  ...not very nice.  It made me so frustrated to try debating with two sets of rules.  If I nailed home a point, I wasn't very nice.  But if ** nailed home a point, I wasn't allowed to talk back in a matching tone.

Up until yesterday, I felt both desperate for him and defensive for myself.  

But today, I realize that The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, 16for,

“Who has known the mind of the Lord

so as to instruct him?”^d

But we have the mind of Christ.

This doesn't mean for me to be critical of **.  But logically, I believe God exists and He is Christ and him crucified.

It doesn't really matter whether ** believes me or not.  If God is real, it will be God that ** will have to stand in front of at the very second ** breathes their last breath.  At that point, all of **'s doubt will be gone.  

As for me, when I see the intensity of those burning eyes, I want for Him to see the family likeness of a daughter who looks just like her Daddy God.  

Logically, we can't prove what happens after death.  So, if by some unprovable-on-this-side chance that ** is right and there is no God, then I will have lived a blissful life of totally uncanny coincidences that blew wonder into my days and gave me unspeakable joy.  I will have known love without guilt.  I will have discovered grace.  I will have buckled under forgiveness, only to find freedom to stand up and not be consumed with myself.

And I will know that the world was still a better place because Jesus Christ walked on it and showed us what real love looks like.

But I'm making this exception only for the sake of logic.  The reality is What I  have received is not the spirit of the world (logic alone without wonder, or wonder alone without logic), but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us.

I'm just a mom with a brain that works.  

But I believe in God.  I believe in Jesus Christ and him crucified.  I am a first hand witness to the fact that He is able to do more than I could have ever imagined .... or logically thought.

And while I don't judge these people, I'm called to judge the situation.  To make an assessment.  And the conclusions I come up with are that the world is aching and trying get what only You have to give, but they try to get it by running the other way.  If you tell them their ways are wrong, it is only to redirect them toward you... and your open arms.  

And that seems pretty fair and reasonable to me.

---

...back stories

.  Hey, Dad.  I'm writing with my eyes closed and my head bowed. 

I'm overcome with sadness for the girl who emailed me last night.  I'm confused as to why Christians can be such "hurters" and why you get blamed for it.  Lord, we need you so badly.  We're all such hurters... every human being over 12 years old has hurt someone else at some point.  People are hurters of other people.  Yet Christians are not allowed to be human.  We get accused and we try to stand up in childish defensiveness like it's up to us to be you.  Only YOU can be you.  I didn't die on the cross for this bitter mom/child.  She doesn't even know I'm yours.  This email out of nowhere has me rattled because in no way do I want to hurt her more.  Lord, this morning, I ask for wisdom way beyond anything I could possibly think up.  She's grieving, Lord, and I wish I could be you, but I can't.   I desperately need to see something from your heart this morning.  Say what you want to say... and please help me listen so I "get it."  Thanks for letting me spew.  I love you.

I Cor 2: 9-16

9but just as it is written,
         “THINGS WHICH EYE HAS NOT SEEN AND EAR HAS NOT HEARD,
         AND which HAVE NOT ENTERED THE HEART OF MAN,
         ALL THAT GOD HAS PREPARED FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM.”

10For to us God revealed them through the Spirit; for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God. 11For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God. 12Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God, 13which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words.
      14But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised. 15But he who is spiritual appraises all things, yet he himself is appraised by no one. 16For WHO HAS KNOWN THE MIND OF THE LORD, THAT HE WILL INSTRUCT HIM? But we have the mind of Christ. 


...for those who love Him.

I didn't sleep well last night.  The words of a desperate mom are haunting me.

Last night,  Laina and I were chatting while getting ready for bed.  Oddly enough, both of us had been recently thrown under the bus.  In unrelated events, both of us got criticized for choices that didn't fit the tastes of the "critical spirits".   The critics had absolutely no role or responsibility in these choices.  But these two individuals informed us that we had missed the mark and that they were the self proclaimed experts who should be allowed to consult us.  In both cases, the remarks were overheard by others who quickly let us know that the critics were totally out of line and off base.  And as off base as these critics were, the comments were still wounding.

Both critics call themselves Christians, but have a reputation for being clueless.  Both critics have worn out many welcome mats with others who have since written them off.  In these two unrelated instances, Laina and I were merely in target range.  But it still hurt.

As we finished our late night mother/daughter chat, we realized I forgot to order my daughter's foot brace, so I came back downstairs to get it done.  I noticed an email on my work address that is still weighing heavily on me.  Yet another female left wounded by a Christian.  I'm wondering if the "wound giver" in her life is the same kind of person as the critics.

The email?  It was from a potential writer who was responding to my request for a writing sample, but it was late and she ended up writing out the most painful life story.  She was married to a "Jesus wanna be" and then divorced.  Shortly after the split, her little girl was kidnapped and raped.  Her sons' lives have been full of pain that went into polar extremes - one into controlling his world through success, the other into escaping his world through travel, drugs, and now a commune.  The writer's little girl is now grown and estranged from this writer/mom.  The writer/mom is grieving, angry and desperate to be really seen.  All she can see is pain.  Someone who said they knew you, Jesus, threw mud in her face and now she can't see. 

In fact, she is so tired of seeing moms celebrate their children that she is closing down her facebook page.

She has been hurt, and little does she know, I sit here as the embodiment of everything she's railing against.

And yet, she chooses to pour herself out to me.

When she sent the email, the only thing she knew about me was that I'm the editor of a magazine currently interviewing writers for our publication.  That's it.

And yet, she chooses to pour herself out to me.

She so desperately needs to be heard that she poured herself out in page after detailed page to someone she's never met and knows nothing about.  And yet that someone was me.

Wisdom.  If I ever needed wisdom. 

Professionally, it probably was not a great career move on her part to introduce herself with this amount of personal information.  But something compelled her to pour herself out to me.

What do I do with this?

Right now, the word Christian wears the face of her "Jesus wanna be" ex who her daughter has chosen to spend time with over her.  The man who needed a restraining order years ago due to his mental abuse of his family.  Who could blame her for being bitter?

What do I do with this?  Why can Christians be so ugly?  Why do you allow your followers to act like that?

I knew I had to respond.  I knew I was pulled back downstairs for this moment and for this email.  All I could do was thank her for her honesty and giving me insight into the side effects of her daughter's rape... and into the lives of girls who have been trafficked. 

As to the fact that she had unknowingly written to me, a Christian, I felt I could only ask her a question that has become something for me to ask myself about as well.  I wrote:

 ....you used a phrase about your ex often;  "Jesus wanna be"

I think there's this tiny line - but it is a deep, deep chasm - between people who try to follow Jesus and people who try to mistakenly feel like they have to BE Jesus.  The first group of people realize their great need; the second group seems to focus on the needs they perceive in others.

What damage do we do in thinking we have to BE you?

We offer advice with such presumption, such pride.  It pains me to think how many times I've done this.  But here's a question:   For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God.

If I for one second think I am the answer, then I become the critic.  I assume... no, I presume,  to have the mind of God.

BUT!       And here is the deep line!!!!  Just because I screw up doesn't mean You did, Jesus.  Just because I get in the way of others being able to see You doesn't mean You're not there to be seen.

“THINGS WHICH EYE HAS NOT SEEN AND EAR HAS NOT HEARD,
         AND which HAVE NOT ENTERED THE HEART OF MAN,
         ALL THAT GOD HAS PREPARED FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM.”

----------

OK, when I went back to my email to copy the words of my response, I had a fresh email from my new friend.  The writer/mom assures me that she is now happily remarried with a pretty awesome life and only sent that missive as a writing sample.  She is no longer a Christian.   Her ex remains an enigma to her.  She said she knew she was taking a risk in sending that story, but wanted to show that she could write with good punctuation and a decent vocabulary.

And still... she chose to pour herself out to me.

I can't really judge her for walking away from Christianity if, by that word, she only received legalism.  I can't blame her if maybe she still has mud in her eyes and can't see "all that God has prepared for those who love Him."  If I met her on the street, I'm guessing I would like her and find her interesting.  I'm pretty sure, if I just met her on the street, that I would never guess her back story.

But because she chose to pour herself out to me, I am brought closer to Christ.

Because she chose to pour herself out to me, I am asking myself hard questions.  And then I'm realizing I don't have the answers so I'm redirecting them and asking God those same hard questions.
Here's the deal.  I don't have the mind of God... but, um,  He does.

And He's saying that there is a way for me to know HIM.

Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God, 13which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words.

Things freely given to us...

It occurs to me that if I met God on the street, I wouldn't necessarily guess His back story either.  I'd never guess that this powerful ruler with those incredibly kind eyes was ever beaten, thrown in jail as an innocent man, punished for crimes he didn't commit, gossiped about, rejected by his best friends and misunderstood by his own family.


But he chose to pour himself out to me.

God, You've told me your story and I can never see you again at face value.  I can not "un-know" the story of your past pain.  It makes who you are make sense. 

Funny how I can sometimes see you best when I close my eyes and just listen while you speak.

Right now, I'm thankful that both the mom/writer and the mom lover have allowed me to read their stories.

Lord Jesus, right now I'm so newly convinced how very powerful words are.  I'm also so terribly convicted by how careless I have been with them.  Please forgive me for how many times I've talked about you because I wanted to be heard rather than wanting for You to be heard.  Forgive me for standing so comfortably in line with the jerks who judged.  Could I please cross over that thin line and stand on your side?

aargh.  I didn't get up early enough, Lord.  I'm sorry.  Everything is about to tilt full throttle.  Take our sweet niece to her first college apartment.  Welcome my grown up God child and her new husband for the weekend.  Receive the first printed issue of our new magazine.  Set up my 87 year old dad with a cell phone.  Nurse my exhausted husband who has started a new job.  And send my almost 16 year old off to the Casting Crowns/Mandisa concert that I would so love to go to... someday.

I need some of your wisdom today.

I Cor 2:6-8              6Yet we do speak wisdom among those who are mature; a wisdom, however, not of this age nor of the rulers of this age, who are passing away; 7but we speak God’s wisdom in a mystery, the hidden wisdom which God predestined before the ages to our glory; 8the wisdom which none of the rulers of this age has understood; for if they had understood it they would not have crucified the Lord of glory; 

So  many rulers... so little Israel.  Politics.  Paul is mixing politics and religion here.

So.... if the Bible mixes them in a conversation, then they are meant to be mixed.... in a conversation.

Paul, who had been steeped in politics, says  none of the rulers of this age has understood.  Nothing could be more true today... and that scares me.

To repeat my first commitment going in:

I'm going to blog as a somewhat introverted, prone to depression, 50 something, never quite dressed well mom.  I'm going to take it at face value and assume God knows Himself better than even Beth Moore or Francis Chan or even Mother Theresa know Him.  I'm going to assume that if He says something is bad.... it's bad.  I'm going to assume that if He says "Do this",  then I should just do it.  I'm going to assume that if He describes Himself a certain way, then He really is that way.  I'm going to take it at face value and assume the Bible is Truth.

        I'm going to assume that I'll be wrong sometimes.  I'm going to assume that it won't matter because as long as I keep reading His word, He'll show me where I'm off.  I'm going to assume He actually wants me to know Him for our sake, mine and His.

        And if, in the end, I think He's a fake... I can walk away.  But I've known Him just enough and for too long to think that will actually be the case.  And yet I'm going in with that freedom.

    I'm going to take I Corinthians one verse at a time - for ME.  This may take a month - or the rest of my life.  I have no idea and I refuse to let it matter.  I'm reading it as Lydia Crouch...
  

I read stuff that mentions politics and I get scared.  In my life, I have met many rulers of different fields.  Why, I don't know.

 I've met Ted Kennedy.  I've stood in the oval office and the press room.  (The rooms were empty.) I've met Peter Ustinov.  I've met Oliver North.  I've met Neil Armstrong.  I chatted with the artist Albert Tobey on a train.  I've gotten a behind the scenes tour of the Tate Gallery in London.  I've eaten in the underground cafeteria in a room full of senators and representatives.  I've shared gum with Amy Grant.  I've met The Manhattan Transfers.  I've met more people than I realized I was meeting at the time.  I've had dinner with one of the actors on Gray's Anatomy.  I worked for Graham Kerr - who I DO respect greatly.  I've spent the day with one of the star players of the Seahawks.  I had lunch with Billy Graham's sister-in-law.  I've chatted with our State Senators.

Until right now, I've never really looked at that list all at once.  I'm kind of shocked.  And,  the list goes on. 

But having met them does not make me important.  Honored?  Maybe.  I'm pretty sure all but maybe two of these people would remember me at all.


I've admired a few of the people I've met, but not all. 

I don't know why I've gotten to meet these people...these rulers.  It's comical because I'm absolutely so unimportant to their lives.  I'm always more blown away by the kindness of the people who introduced me to these people.

Where am I going with this, Lord?

I am afraid of rulers, no matter what they rule.  I do love meeting them because I'm so incredibly plain and simple curious.    But people are so good at hurting people.

Not one ruler gave his life for me. 

There it is.  

The soothing comfort I need when I look at politics and how it will effect my life, my children, my someday grandchildren.

That's what makes small moments important.

The people that rule politics crucified the King of Glory... they didn't get it.  They don't understand what you are up to.  But in spite of them,

YOU ARE.  

You have outlived every politician and THAT is just the beginning of why I respect you.

YOU have something to say.  And I want to listen.

...and a KING lets a mom into His presence.  I'm undone.

...true confessions

I Cor 2: 4

and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power,

Today, I scrolled facebook before coming here.  Yeah, I know... but let's not get hung up on when to have a quiet time right now.  

The point is, through a post from an Alabama high school friend now living in Virginia, I saw a  comment from another friend from Massachusetts, my college art professor!  Both friends are college professors, actually.  I have no idea how they know each other, but I sent a message...

When you haven't talked to someone in over twenty years, you wonder if they'll remember you.  You always prologue with "Not sure if your remember me..."       And then, you try your best to sound somewhat interesting and intelligent.  And then, if you had a professor like mine, you try to communicate that they made a difference in your life, a line in the tattoo of the indelible moments that make you unique.

And I sat down here at my computer, after listening to the rich and powerful voice of my art professor's daughter.  I've been feeling very small and wondering what I've done with my art life.

In some crazy act of faith, I sent him an unfinished image of a challenge I was given by my friend Steve Altabef.

Paint a self portrait.

Truth?  I don't know how this almost life sized painting will turn out any more than I know how my own life will turn out.

This painting is unfinished.  It's not ready to be framed.  I don't mind people seeing it, but I pray they won't judge it yet.  But I'm posting it in faith that it will become something.   

Words.  Trying to find some.  What words can I use right now?


Self portraits are usually faces.  Anyone looking for that expression will be a bit let down, or maybe think I missed the assignment.  Maybe I did.   I actually started this before I realized this was/is my self portrait.  (I had something else in mind when he challenged me.  Smaller, more predictable, more acceptable.)

But I've never tried to fill a big canvas before.  I have such a rich background to pull from.  Underneath I'm stained with mistakes, self-righteousness, rebellion in a feminine form.  And people walk through our family room and are stopped by it.  They like it.  I like it to because it's real.

But the dress will be white.  I think maybe I'll use a palette knife which is something I have only dabbled with... I'm intimidated by the thought of trying it.  Failure is highly likely.  It seems so extravagant to use so much expensive paint.

But God's love for me is extravagant.  If I can somehow convey that... that "how He loves me" thing... and let it override my flat undertones while allowing them to show through in honesty...

...then maybe my preaching/painting will be a demonstration of Spirit and power.

If you paint, then you'll understand what this next sentence means.

I have only once in my life painted my own soul on canvas, and even then I didn't risk all...  If I can walk down this aisle and actually put on this dress, it will be a real wedding.

But honestly, if God wants to give me a gorgeous white garment that invites me to share His name, His home, His family, His love.......  I would be such an idiot to hold back saying, "I'm not enough." 

I Cor 2:5  so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.

(And right now, I hear the echo of my sweet husband, Rich, saying the same loving phrase he has repeated since before we even married,  "You need to paint."  When he says it, it sounds just like "I love you."  I want to submit to such love...  sigh... but I'm such a rebel.)

...in fear and trembling

Good morning, Father.  I'm a bit grumpy.  Thanks for letting me come - even with my unthankful heart - into your presence.  Thank you for how well the meeting went yesterday and that I even got started on my long overdue wedding gifts. 

Thank you that you are deeper than loneliness which tries to wash over me this time of year.  Thank you that my kids know you.  I couldn't ask for more than that.  Thank you that my husband had a nice shirt to wear for his first class photo as a third grade teacher.  Thank you for giving him the idea of a bulls eye target to give little K incentive to try.  Lord, there are so many things I'm dreading, but I know if I look at them through the eyes of thankfulness, they will become beautiful.   So, here goes!  (Help me find your words?)

 -Thank you that I have a mop and bucket and running water and soap to mop my dirty floor.

-Thank you that I have this fabulous computer where I can print out a production calender for the magazine; even though I'm not good at this type of thinking, the computer makes it easy to adjust as I learn.

-Thank you that I can exercise inside with a dvd, even if it's yucky weather.

-Thank you that we have found a good doctor for Laina's feet and that I can have hope that he will help her not be in so much pain.

-Thank you for this quiet moment when no one needs anything from me and I can just sit and be a student.

Thanks for being YOU.  Could you please let me see something new in 1 Corinthians this morning?  If not, thank you for allowing me to legally possess a Bible.  Thank you.

I Cor 2:3-5
I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, 4and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, 5so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.

Weakness and in fear and in much trembling....   This is my world.  I would never have pictured Paul this way!  (Most people would never picture me this way either.  Apparently, I exude confidence.  Sometimes I'm confident, but mostly I'm holding my breath, wondering what will be the next stupid thing I do or say.)

Paul, the zealot.  Paul, the evangelist.  Paul, the content man, in or out of prison.  Paul, the "admonisher."

But Paul, the weak, fearful, trembling man... I would not have seen that in him.

Lord, why was he afraid?  Was Corinth the first place he went to preach to gentiles?  Was that it?  Was he afraid of persecution?

OK, I just found this REALLY cool timeline that even I can understand!!!  (I have never been able to deal with timelines well.  They are so... linear.)

https://www.blueletterbible.org/study/paul/timeline.cfm

Here's what I just learned:  By the time Paul gets to Corinth, he's already been accepted as an official apostle of the church.  He's gone on several trips.  He's had to flee  for his life.  He's been mistaken for a god.  He's been stoned and thought dead, but came back to the same city.  He falls out with Barnabas who has invested in him, trained him, traveled with him...  He keeps up an effective ministry.

He meets and evangelizes the very first Greek convert, Lydia.

He's been in prison for casting a demon out of a slave girl (human trafficking).  BUT THE PRISON DOORS MIRACULOUSLY OPEN, YET HE STAYED PUT.  Wouldn't you have run out as fast and free as you could?  Me to!  BUT, because he stayed, the jailor and his family met the Lord.

Hmmm.... was this the first male Greek convert?  (Probably not.  Could be fun to try and look up, but not right now...)

He travels on with really great friends, especially Timothy who is like a son to him.

So I don't get it.  After all those miracles, why was Paul afraid?

For that matter, why am I afraid whenever I start a new painting?  Why am I afraid every morning that I sit down with 1 Corinthians, that God won't show up?  Why am I afraid that my children will miss out on something wonderful when God's already said He is able to to exceeding, abundantly more than I can imagine or think?  (And if any person he created imagines or thinks, it's me!)  Why am I afraid of my house not being cleaned as well as someone else is able to clean hers?

When I write out my fears, they seem so silly according to all God has done in my life up till now.

Why was Paul afraid?  Maybe because he was human... a real person with fears that didn't make sense.  Maybe, even though he'd seen miracles and stunning deliverance, he was afraid this might be the time he did it wrong and You didn't show up?

Maybe that's why he was so adamant about knowing nothing but the foundational truth of Jesus Christ and Him crucified, so that the very very very first Greek converts would get it right without Paul's own cultural biases getting in the way and tainting the message with his personality.  (Sorry for that horrible run on sentence.) 

He's so adamant that they were not converts to him, but to Christ.  So much can go wrong when we get in the way.

Paul is starting to take on flesh and wrinkles and whiskers as I look at him now.

Maybe he was afraid just because he was Paul, the one who zealously wanted to get it right.

I really don't know.  But oddly, I'm just glad this bigger than life guy was (dare I say it?) just a guy.

if it's electrical or mechanical, I can mess it up

Sheesh...  I don't know why mechanical things are so hard.  I understand the stuff that most people don't in terms of theory, but I just locked myself out of my own blog.  I've obviously gotten back in, because here I am typing, but I don't even really know how I fixed it.  Worse yet?  There was no one to talk to.

I wanted a Sosthenes (see I Cor 1:1-2) to bounce ideas off of.

I've missed my journey and its daily impact on me.  Sure, I was listening to Francis Chan, reading "Wonderstruck" outloud,

"The unblemished snow silenced the hooves.  The first shadows of dusk softened the lighting of the landscape.  We entered a sacred moment in time, hushing human and animal alike....We glimpsed a world no one else would see.  My mind wandered to how many places like this God reserves for himself...."

Those are amazing, AMAZING, words!    But I'm growing addicted to the words in my Bible. 

I almost didn't come.  I've got way too much to do today.  I cut my hair at 5:30 a.m., fixed breakfast, read a little to my beloveds, waved them goodbye, worried about their fatigue level and the after effects of some recent MAJOR choices we're living through.  (Even good choices carry a price.) 

Soon,  very soon, I have people coming HERE, messy-here-to-my-house at 10:00ish and I should be getting dressed and trying to be professional.  My back hurts and my leg is stiff.  I need to work out a bit.  I've got my sneakers on!  But this...

this......  (with some undercurrent of excitement and growing confidence) is where I'm desperate to be.

I Cor 2:1-2     1And when I came to you, brethren, I did not come with superiority of speech or of wisdom, proclaiming to you the testimony of God. 2For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.

Chapter 2.  Wow.  I feel so unprepared to leave Chapter 1.  There's so much there!  But it's time.

I did not come with superiority of speech or of wisdom...

I keep thinking about my very evangelistic atheist friend.  Sometimes, I wish I could use superiority of speech so that I could win those facebook arguments... just to win them.   And here's Paul.  Better educated, better trained.  And once again, he tells me how pointless that is.  But here's what he did do... he came...proclaiming to you the testimony of God.

So what is that?  What IS the testimony of God?    

........Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.

Paul says he was determined to know nothing EXCEPT

........Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.

All the differences in religions (and those who are religiously non-religious) are flying by my face at rapid speed right now.  But it all boils down to this one thing.


........Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.

We can all smoke our pipes or sip our coffees or back pack our trails and give ourselves to awesome causes and debate every intricate detail of our differences, but everything hinges on this one thing.


........Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.  What will we do with the fact that Jesus was either an idiot, or He was - and is  - actually who He said He was?

If I determine to know only this one thing:

How will Jesus Christ, and Him crucified effect the meeting I'm about to have in an hour to plan the fashion spread for Northwest MOM Magazine?

How will Jesus Christ, and Him crucified effect how I care for my body today?

How will Jesus Christ, and Him crucified effect the sorrow I feel that my kids had to miss out on something wonderful this past week... but not eternal?

How will Jesus Christ, and Him crucified effect how I worry that my kids will get hurt as they go through this immediate phase of life?

How will Jesus Christ, and Him crucified effect  how I get so panicky & frustrated that my friend's intellect is his weapon for running from love?

How will Jesus Christ, and Him crucified effect how I spend my tithe today, even though it seems we can't afford it?



........Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.    

           ........Jesus Christ, and Him crucified, and risen from the dead.

                         ........Jesus Christ, and Him the King of Kings and Lord of Lords 
                                            whether I bow down today or not.

Lord, Paul said he was "determined" in this matter.  I'm no Paul, that's for sure.

"But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in me, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to my mortal body through His Spirit who dwells in me."   (Romans 8:11)

Lord, I've just GOT to pray it.  Let your word be true in me, for Your name's sake.  Just please be gentle with me, because it scares me to ask for this.

love, scaredy-cat me,

Lydia





 

the parable of the electric toothbrush

There was once a girl who faced a daunting task.  While she was faithful to brush her teeth, floss, wash her face and moisturize regularly, her medicine cabinet was a mess.

Of course it looked fine to all visitors because she simply kept the medicine cabinet door closed.  It truly was none of their business.


Even if she were to open the door quickly in front of a friend, it didn't look that bad.  Did it?

But it would never pass the test.

 "This is filthy," claimed the Cleaner.  "Clean it and you'll look great."

So she too everything off the most used shelves and wiped them down.  Then put things back as they were.  Truly she felt a bit better. 

But it wasn't just what was needed.

"This is so cluttered," gasped the organizer.
"Organize it, and you'll be efficient."

So she tidied up a bit. And it was nice.  But it wasn't enough.  

"Hey, is that petroleum jelly and aluminum containing antiperspirant I spy!" warned the environmentalist.  "Replace those and you'll be healthy."

Not totally convinced, our girl made an effort to pull her deodorant forward to inspire her to grab for it first.

The space and motion expert advised her to be hard core honest and get rid of all the baggage she didn't need to be carrying...

"Do you need all those lotion samples?  Do you even wear contacts?  Simplify and you'll be responsible."

Buy the best and only cry once....   Good quality ingredients last far longer than a shelf and cheap stuff that doesn't work.   Right?

In her other ear, the frugality expert chastised her for throwing ANYthing away without repurposing it.

"You're also really vain to be so brand conscious, even if your face does break out in a rash when you use any other product.  Save and you'll be a good steward."

So our girl ruthlessly went through and tossed all the random samples and sludge she wasn't using - but she carefully turned the bottles sideways on the bottom shelf so that the brand labels wouldn't show.  This also pleased the time and motion specialist because it allowed for easier hand access now that there was breathing room between the toiletries.

BUT ONE THING ALL THE CRITICS AGREED ON WAS THAT SHE SHOULD KEEP THE EXPENSIVE ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH! 

 IT WAS TRULY THE MOST BENEFICIAL RESOURCE ON THE SHELF! 

The girl had initially invested in the expensive toothbrush at her dentist's advice.  It was not an issue of brand vanity, convenience or really anything but obedience and wanting a healthy mouth.  But there was a problem.  The batteries had died somewhere along the way.

No problem, right?               

           Wrong.

The girl had the right toothbrush.  The girl had fresh batteries.  The girl had replaced batteries before.

So she had the resource, the tools, past experience... but the toothbrush was still dead.

In fact it had been sitting on her shelf useless while she relied on her own power to get those gums healthy.   Lest you be quick to call her lazy,  she had truly tried to replace the batteries.

She put the batteries in one way.

And then another.

Nothing.

But something made her try again, even though she'd likely end up with the same result.

As she emptied the batteries yet another time, she looked deep and saw something that had been there all along - she just had never noticed it.  There were little guides, available to anyone who looked.

Can't see it?  



Here.  Look a little closer.  (See the little +  and the   -   ?)

Now, she actually knew what positive and negative were... but she could never remember which end was which on the battery.  "Why can't they just put a plus and minus on the battery?

.......oh."

She then just followed the guide.  Such a stupidly simple thing.  Plop.  Plop.  Click.  Push the button and POWER!

Later that night, as the girl was brushing her teeth, she thought about how the toothbrush was so very much like her walk with the Lord, especially the daily time she spent with Him.

She had tried to please every other church goer in the way she organized her life, even if they never saw behind her closed door.  But none of it was enough.

In the end, he toothbrush  -  like her relationship with the Lord  -  was something they all agreed on.

She had tried all the energy going one way - as if it all depended on her own efforts and performance.

She had tried all the energy going the other way - Trying not to strive, leaving it all up to God.

But it wasn't until there was a circuit flowing back and forth that there was any active and effective power.  Both needed to be present and working at the same time together!  (One battery couldn't merely be present and dead relying on the other to do all the work...)

It was a relationship.    An active exchange.  A source of electric power that, used properly, would bless her in so many ways.

She also realized that the others who had figured out their own "toothbrushes" could care less about what her toiletries looked like or how she organized them.  They simply said knowingly,  "Nice smile."

this tune is in my head

The past few days have been intense.  The details aren't important, because all I have to do is say that first sentence and every single person on the face of the globe can fill in their own blanks with situations that have made them feel like Job's understudy.

Honestly, though, comparing my busy-stress to Job is such a joke.  And this morning, the words of Margaret Feinberg are swirling around inside me, washing off the stuff that shouldn't stick.

"Though Job asks why, God answers who."

Dear Lord,  my whole family is in a whirlwind.  This morning, could I please lay all that at your feet?  As I read the next verse up, could I please see it via the eyes of looking for WHO you are, rather than WHY things happen the way they do?

I Cor 1: 28-31  God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”

Yesterday, I didn't see this... 

the things that are not

I read it.  It even caught my attention.  But I didn't  see it.  Yesterday, I was an editor who had to take a moral stand... and receive some valuable critique in return.  Yesterday, I had to leave a lot undone... and got to go get my son for a weekend home.  Yesterday, every member of our household faced some pretty big challenges.... and yet we got to sit around the dinner table together and laugh really hard.

the things that are not

Not sure exactly what Paul means here.  Sometimes, I'm really glad for the things that are not.  Today:  We are not starving,  we are not facing a day without computers, we are not being dragged off to jail because I wrote a public statement about Jesus Christ.

Sometimes, the things that are not seem like my weaknesses.  The communicator I am not when I try to be.  The wife I am not when things get too stressed.  The friend I am not when those I love go through Job moments.  The disciple I am not when I wanted to go through just one day without sinning.  Other things I am not - I am not  brilliant at math or science so that I can help my daughter with her homework. I am not very good at time management.  I am not a Bible scholar. I am not someone who can remember scripture well enough to recite it to myself.   

But God... tells me who I am in the middle of all my stuff.

...you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.

Yesterday morning, the tune they sang at the Beth Moore simulcast to help us memorize this declaration kept rolling through my head.  I stood in the family room trying to sing it to my clan, but couldn't remember the words.  Wishing I had a copy of it for my wall, I went out into the day.  When I got home, this gift - my heart's desire - was tucked in a beautiful note in the mail from a girlfriend who lives it out!  I decided to stick it right in the middle of my "to do" list where only the priority things are posted.

“Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”

Yesterday, I struggled with this phrase.  We aren't supposed to boast as Christians, are we?  Doesn't that make us seem cocky and proud?

And yet when I started this I COR trek, I commitment to take what I read at face value... if God said to do it, then I should do it - in fact, it's GOOD to do it.

... so I'll just let yesterday be yesterday (which is a really big step for a re-hasher like me.)

Right here, right now I'm boasting about what God has made me - which is pretty obviously ALL Him because on my own all you'd see would be the things that are not!

This is my boast:

The song isn't on youtube or the Living Proof website yet.  (Call me for the tune.  That's the part I could remember!  LOL)  But, if you want to print the declaration out for yourself, I just found it here:         http://blog.lproof.org/

...but God chose

Good Morning, Lord.  At 5:early I'm already behind before I even make my coffee.  Please show me what is important to you today.  I don't know what to ask for.  Could you please surprise me?

1 Cor 1: 25-31 ... For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.

26Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”^d

... brother and sisters, think...........

Here's Paul in some ways sounding like to think is foolishness.  But he's obviously not saying to leave your brain at the door.

Think.

What was I when I was called.  Me personally?  I was a child.  I definitely fulfilled this verse. I was not wise by human standards; not influential; not of noble birth.  But God.......

I love those words, "but God"

I was one thing... and no matter what I fill in here, it was not enough.  BUT GOD.

Then I see it,

But God CHOSE.

It all hinges on His choices.  And He chose me.    Wow.

It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus

dive, dive, dive!

Alrighty then, I'm now at the point where I have no idea what's next.  When I started this, I had read ahead just a bit.  I think I read the whole chapter that first morning I got spurred to blog through it.  But I can't remember what I'm about to read next.

This morning, I'm a mom filled with worry and fatigue.

This morning, I'm a magazine editor facing a wall.

This morning, I'm a little girl afraid to go outside.

This morning, I'm a daughter who does not do enough for her aging parents.

This morning, I've sent my husband to fend for himself at his new job without a note of encouragement from me in his lunch.

Lord, who are YOU this morning?  If I could ask to be anything this morning.... I was going to say I'd ask to be teachable.  But that was just me trying to pray something honorable on a blog.

I think this morning, I'd just like to be yours.


I Cor 1:22-24 For indeed Jews ask for signs and Greeks search for wisdom; 23but we preach Christ crucified, to Jews a stumbling block and to Gentiles foolishness, 24but to those who are the called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.


Can I just say that typing out "I Corinthians" every morning is weird.  It feels so ... so what..  so "Biblical" or something.  And by that, I mean old, dusty, boring.  AND YET, every time I come here I find it any BUT old, dusty or boring. 

 I'm trying to imagine what Corinth was to the people.  It wasn't Rome (Washington, DC) from where all the political decisions ultimately spewed.  

I'm going to break down and look at a map.  Ewww... SO making me feel scholarly.  OH GOD, 
Puh -lease don't make me be dusty, old, boring...  

 -----------------http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isthmus_of_Corinth#mediaviewer/File:Corinth_Isthmus.jpg--------(If you want to see an arial view, and a cool picture of the canal)


OK, I'm back.  Corinth is gone now.  The ruins are 50 miles away from Athens, which means almost nothing to me.  But here's what I did learn.  It was on the water which meant shipping and beaches.  A lot of money flowed in and out of Corinth.  So I'm thinking Wall Street, Merrill-Lynch...  A lot of cool architecture.....  Lots of art,  lots of world cultures flowing in and out.  ...so I'm putting this together to say lots of fashion originating here. 

Being a Southerner, I think of Atlanta.  Knowing that if I wanted to fly south to Florida I'd first have to fly North to Atlanta to get a connecting plane makes me think Corinth might have been like the Atlanta of the South.  After all, we grew up knowing the phrase:

 

 "Whether you're going to Heaven or Hell, you'll still have to change planes in Atlanta."

700 × 425 - fanpop.com

But now I'm thinking Corinth was more like NYC?  Not known for having a lot of Christians, proud of it's immorality,  oozing with raw creativity,  skyscrapers full of people making lots of money who will be buried without it.  New York.  Very exciting and fun place to visit, but I wouldn't really want to live there. 

 

2400 × 1800 - ljic.edu

CORINTH!  (NYC? BOSTON?  ATLANTA?  DALLAS? TACOMA?  SEATTLE?)  Where Paul got so frustrated, he walked out and God made him go back and not give up for another year and a half.  (Acts 18)


Simple truth looks so boring to the fashion forward, the entrepreneur, the next Broadway headliner...

The Jews looked for a sign..... something BIG!  Something exciting!  Something CNN!  Something that rocked the headlines.

The Greeks looked for something that made sense, that would be Harvard, Princeton, Yale worthy.  Something experience and age could back up.

And God didn't give it to them......... and yet he did.  It's like looking at the surface of the water and saying there's not life under that surface because a) it's not jumping up out of the water like a dolpin spiraling upwards out the ocean   or b)  I can't see it from where I sit on the shore therefore it is not either useful to me nor necessary for anyone else.

....but to those who are called, both miracle seekers and wisdom hunters, Christ the powerful miracle and the wisdom of God.

Dive, dive, dive!!!!