...I'm becoming a nerd

I COR 5:3-5   For I, on my part, though absent in body but present in spirit, have already judged him who has so committed this, as though I were present. 4In the name of our Lord Jesus, when you are assembled, and I with you in spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus, 5I have decided to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of his flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.

I don't get it.  And this is why so many get frustrated.  Didn't Paul say earlier in this letter not to judge?  Didn't I, in my blog before this,  assume he was saying "Mourn instead of judging" in verses 1-2?

So if he said not to judge in one place, then he's said they are arrogant and in error for not judging, maybe the difference is in what things are to be judged and what things are not to be judged?

So... what was not to be judged earlier on?

------------------
I started this post 2 days ago.  Insert here, a time of mourning.  I'm headed into Thanksgiving with SUCH a thankful heart.  But I had to be drug over an emotional wall to a place of safety to get here.  My own personal sorrows are tied up in loss.  Loss of a brother when I was only 13.  Loss of Laurie Lynn who I can not fathom our family being without.  Impending loss of friends and relatives who are bravely fighting mortality.  I have not faced tragedy nearly as great as others have.  But if you've ever lost even one person who died before their time, then you know the "why's" that you ask knowing there will be no answer.

A young boy in pain recently took his own life in our area.  He also took the lives of  some classmates.  Should we have seen it?  I didn't know him, but I did know another young boy who tried to commit suicide within a week of this incident.  All within the week of my brother's birthday...

And we want to scream, "This is crazy!"  ...and it is.

I wanted to block God out.  And yet He came to me with the sweetest comfort.

It's easy to block God out.  

You simply talk about Him instead of talking to Him.  

And we assume that if we talk to Him, He'll frown and scold us for not knowing the answers to why we don't understand Him.  But He is love... even in silence, even in pain, even in our doubts.

Why He lets us choose anything is beyond me.  But if I did not get any choices, then I'm quite sure I would never experience joy of any kind.  They are connected.

You can not have a healthy relationship without freedom to choose who you will be in that relationship.  Trust only comes when we choose to be trustworthy.
---------------------

In the meantime, I'm stumped about this "judging" thing.  Paul says NOT to judge here:  

Let a man regard us in this manner, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. 2In this case, moreover, it is required of stewards that one be found trustworthy. 3But to me it is a very small thing that I may be examined by you, or by any human court; in fact, I do not even examine myself.

In this case, it has to do with whether he can be found trustworthy with the message of Christ.

But later on, when it comes to adultery, he says we ARE to judge.  Perhaps, that's because overlooking adultery, much less practicing it, means we are NOT trustworthy representatives of Christ?

I don't know how to look up the original Greek meanings of words.  I guess I'm about to find out.


AARGH!  I'm becoming a total nerd. 

immorality - vs - intolerance?

I Cor 5:1-2   It is actually reported that there is immorality among you, and immorality of such a kind as does not exist even among the Gentiles, that someone has his father’s wife. 2You have become arrogant and have not mourned instead, so that the one who had done this deed would be removed from your midst. 

Immorality.   Are we even allowed to use the word immorality in the context of right or wrong anymore?  We are immediately accused of "intolerance" as if the two are reversed.  Is there a time to be intolerant?

My first commitment in reading at face value comes back to me.

 I've decided, no I've realized I want to, blog through the book of 1Corinthians.  I'm going to blog as a somewhat introverted, prone to depression, 50 something, never quite dressed well mom.  I'm going to take it at face value and assume God knows Himself better than even Beth Moore or Francis Chan or even Mother Theresa know Him.  I'm going to assume that if He says something is bad.... it's bad.  I'm going to assume that if He says "Do this",  then I should just do it.  I'm going to assume that if He describes Himself a certain way, then He really is that way.  I'm going to take it at face value and assume the Bible is Truth.

        I'm going to assume that I'll be wrong sometimes.  I'm going to assume that it won't matter because as long as I keep reading His word, He'll show me where I'm off.  I'm going to assume He actually wants me to know Him for our sake, mine and His.

        And if, in the end, I think He's a fake... I can walk away.  But I've known Him just enough and for too long to think that will actually be the case.  And yet I'm going in with that freedom.

    I'm going to take I Corinthians one verse at a time - for ME.  This may take a month - or the rest of my life.  I have no idea and I refuse to let it matter.  I'm reading it as Lydia Crouch...

Immorality has become entertaining...  We accept off color comments because they are funny.  They are.  Not because they are good.  They are funny because someone with a really good sense of humor wrote the script that way.  But then what?

Even Christian comedians  elude to sexual humor.  There are times when our sexuality is just funny.  It is.  People are funny.

But Paul is concerned that we have become arrogant.  We think it doesn't effect us.  We don't mourn.  We do not remove them from our midst.  We don't turn the show off.  We let them teach our children.

We don't mourn.  Note: Paul did NOT say "you don't get angry"  or "you don't punish" or
"you don't judge them."    Those are all arrogant actions?  Paul corrects them for not mourning.

Mourning is an emotion reserved for death, for great loss.  We mourn those we love.  October 26 was my brother's birthday.  It's hitting really hard this year.  I woke up so very sad this morning.  I miss him terribly.  Some years are worse than others.  I mourn for what I lost.  I mourn for what I can not have.  Sometimes, I just feel lost without my brother.
 
"You have become arrogant and have not mourned instead"  This is a call to love the immoral enough to set boundaries.  To feel lost without them, but to set the boundaries.

I have wept at times when I had to discipline my children.  They were already so miserable that it was hard to allow them to have consequences.  But without them, my children would have been left in a very lonely place.  They have looked back recently and thanked us for not letting them get by with stuff.  We talked about the beautiful "No's" in life.

We don't mourn...  It doesn't break our hearts that immorality is quite literally killing lives.

Someone has his father's wife... and we don't mourn.


Lord, show me how to weep for those who have so lost sight of how wonderfully they were created that they turn to immorality to try to see themselves as valuable.  Lord, show me how to be discerning.  Lord, let me ache with love for the homosexuals, the adulterers, the immorals who try to mold you into their own image instead of realizing that you created us in YOUR own image, but we've walked away... all to be entertained.  Lord, in my tiny little corner of this huge, huge world; let me stand where you stand.  There is nothing that you are unable to redeem.  Grace is unlimited.  Boundaries are maybe just the goblet given so that we can receive it?  Drink it to the full?

...there's a dog in my lap

I COR 4: 14-15  I do not write these things to shame you, but to admonish you as my beloved children. 15For if you were to have countless tutors in Christ, yet you would not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. 16Therefore I exhort you, be imitators of me.17For this reason I have sent to you Timothy, who is my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, and he will remind you of my ways which are in Christ, just as I teach everywhere in every church. 18Now some have become arrogant, as though I were not coming to you. 19But I will come to you soon, if the Lord wills, and I shall find out, not the words of those who are arrogant but their power. 20For the kingdom of God does not consist in words but in power. 21What do you desire? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love and a spirit of gentleness?

We are dog sitting our little friend, Ginger.  She's been a case study on the effects of consistent love overcoming fear.

When our friends first got her, she was scared of absolutely everything, especially men.  Now, she lets Rich pat her on the tummy!  She doesn't bark when we enter her family's home.  She is secure, loved, happy.  They have loved her into security.

She has had to learn our house rules.  But she's eager to please and now she knows the routine here.
In fact, she like to sit in my lap while I work.  :)

However, her real masters (like Paul returning to the Corinthians) will be back!  The minute they return, all authority is handed over with the dog dishes. 

Confessions?  I didn't want to read Paul's letter this morning.  He's coming down on them so hard, I just want to get to the good stuff that makes me feel good.

Then I read this: 
I do not write these things to shame you, but to admonish you as my beloved children.

Paul?  Not offering shame, just the care of a dad who loves his kids.  (Not my image of Paul before now.)  But here he is, just being a good dad.

A good dad doesn't let his children get by with doing self harming things.
For if you were to have countless tutors in Christ, yet you would not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel.

Good parents are consistent:
For this reason I have sent to you Timothy, who is my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, and he will remind you of my ways which are in Christ, just as I teach everywhere in every church.

Good parents want to see consistency in attitudes and actions:
and I shall find out, not the words of those who are arrogant but their power. 20For the kingdom of God does not consist in words but in power.

Good parents come into the room:
But I will come to you soon, if the Lord wills, and I shall find out, not the words of those who are arrogant but their power. 

Good parents give their kids a chance to pull it together before they come into the room:
What do you desire? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love and a spirit of gentleness? 

Yep.  Sometimes Paul seems harsh.  But really, he's just being a good dad.  His desire is to come with love and gentleness.  They get to choose.

Father, thanks for not coming into the room sometimes until I've had a chance to choose how I want to face you.  Thanks for being the best dad ever.  Love you.

 

...so sleepy

Lord, the weather is changing and I'm SO sleepy.  I dread this time of year.  S.A.D. season.  Please help me focus today.  Wake up.  I know I need to cut back on the sugar this makes me crave, the caffeine I go for that doesn't help me wake up - at all.  Could this be the year I make it through the winter differently?  Lord, I went to bed at 9:00 last night, but I've been awake since 1:11am.  Please help me work today.

I hate failing.  When I'm this tired I feel like I failed before I even start.

I hear you telling me gently, "Tell yourself the truth."

OK.

I'm not a failure.  Even if I do try and fail, that doesn't make me worthless.  Even Paul did his best and had to face the fallout of other people's choices.

Paul understood having his own thorn.  So if S.A.D. is mine, then it won't keep me from finishing well.

I Cor 4:8-10  You are already filled, you have already become rich, you have become kings without us; and indeed, I wish that you had become kings so that we also might reign with you. 9For, I think, God has exhibited us apostles last of all, as men condemned to death; because we have become a spectacle to the world, both to angels and to men. 10We are fools for Christ’s sake, but you are prudent in Christ; we are weak, but you are strong; you are distinguished, but we are without honor. 11To this present hour we are both hungry and thirsty, and are poorly clothed, and are roughly treated, and are homeless; 12and we toil, working with our own hands; when we are reviled, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure; 13when we are slandered, we try to conciliate; we have become as the scum of the world, the dregs of all things, even until now. 

Well... if I were looking to be encouraged, this passage would be one I'd skip over. 

First, Paul says the Corinthians are already kings, already rich, but the apostles are poor, scum of the world, dregs of all things, spectacles to men and angels, condemned to death, reviled, stuck with manual labor, homeless, roughly treated, without honor, hungry, thirsty, poorly clothed, slandered.

They sound like freak show features.  Honestly, without the big picture, they could be "carni workers" running from the law.

So.... why not quit that job?

Why did he not consider himself a king yet?

Sometimes the Bible has more questions than answers.

Sometimes it's good to look at the hard stuff.

On my own, I'm pretty sure I'd crumble under persecution like that.  But somehow, Paul knew he wasn't on his own. But I made this commitment to look at the passages that make me uncomfortable.

I keep thinking about my atheist friend.  What would Paul, highly educated intellectual, say to my friend?  Paul, who once saw less value in Christianity than any atheist I've ever met - what would Paul say?  How would Paul explain why he was willing to be a freak and look like a fool because of this Christ encounter?

I don't know how he would answer specifically from this letter yet.  I haven't read that far in this slow uncomfortable way of reading yet.  I know he defines love in a few chapters. Maybe the answers will show up in chapter 13...

Why does Paul care about the Corinthians if it's just going to be harder and worse and eventually end in death?  Yes, I know the answer is "the risen Christ", but I need to see this in a penny dropping kind of way.

Parts of this letter to the Corinthians is clear.  I can touch the "In God we trust" of it.

This portion of the letter, however, is really blurry.  I can't really see it clearly.  Yeah, yeah.  My mind gets it for Paul.  But not for me... it makes ME uncomfortable.  It doesn't sit well with what I want life to be like.

But I'll keep reading and eventually the penny may drop.

I'm becoming unafraid of questions.  Even the ones that don't get answered right when I ask them.

snakes and squirrels

Squirrel!!!!  I am so easily distracted!

I sat down to well - sit.  Really sit and try to listen.  Next thing I knew, I'd ordered phone chords and vitamins, updated a spreadsheet, checked on my neice...  and I haven't even gone on facebook or checked emails yet.  I did manage in a moment of distraction when I should have been making breakfast to tidy up my secretary a bit(for those of you who saw it in my previous blog.)  It's not done, but neither am I.

Hi, Lord.  Please defrag this clutter and clear the cookies or whatever it is that You do to help me be still and focus.  Help me start at the beginning... In the the beginning there was God creating.  Would you please create something new in me this morning?  OK, time to dive in.

I COR 4:6-7   Now these things, brethren, I have figuratively applied to myself and Apollos for your sakes, so that in us you may learn not to exceed what is written, so that no one of you will become arrogant in behalf of one against the other. 7For who regards you as superior? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it? 

There's a funny thing about blogging.  Just because I write and people give me some feedback, this little voice comes in telling me I'm more than I am... a mom sitting at home on her computer trying to listen.  A little success tends to sound like successsssssssssssss.  I hear the serpent saying, "Oooooooooo, how wonderful you are.  You've become so wisssssssssse." 

When I look at myself, sitting here with undone hair, paint splattered sweats it's just comical.

I'm 54 and could be a scholar by now if I'd ever been really devoted to one thing.  I've read the Bible since I was 11.  But I'm totally a novice at reading slowly for the face value of the Word rather than trying to look for words that will give me the answers I want.

...so that in us you may learn not to exceed what is written, so that no one of you will become arrogant in behalf of one against the other. 

Sometimes I exceed what is written.

Sometimes I do this arrogant thing even with my children.  I fall into becoming arrogant in behalf of one against the other.  I feel competitive and I become arrogant when I feel insecure.  It's a sign of not trusting God.  There are times that I want them to succeed so I can feel like I did a good job somehow, somewhere.  My stomach hurts just thinking how low that is.  How ugly.  How normal.

 I don't want to be normal!

There are so so many fine lines.

The fine line between having a standard of excellence and being competitive in order to promote yourself.

The fine line between seeking God and only seeking stuff from God.

The fine line between feeling secure in God's call on my life and being cocky as if I have something to say on my own.

For who regards you as superior? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it? 

The fine line moves from day to day, ssssssssslithering, wrapping itself around my feet.  I can never know when I'm close to crossing it except through the conviction of the Holy Spirit. 

Father, you and I both know that every good gift I have comes from You.  Even the ability to be thankful comes from the gift of how You chose to create us.... in your image. 

Sometime not so long ago, it occurred to me that if we are created in His image and He tells us over and over to be thankful, then He is a thankful being.  Even when I bring my pitiful crumpled craft project that's still tacky with too much glue and glitter, He is thankful for it.

Lord, I ask your protection from snakes and squirrels.  Let me stand confident in your grace today and calmly do the tasks ahead of me WITH You!  When the snake starts to whisper, let me start singing thankfulness!  When my eyes are on you, I don't need to worry about what's going on down there at my feet.  You will lift me up and away from being tangled and bitten.  Thank you so much... so much.... so much...

I COR 4:4-5  For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord. 5Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men’s hearts; and then each man’s praise will come to him from God. 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kvw6SkZ4cGI 

Are you wounded this morning?  Put on this soft version of "Your Grace is Enough", Matt Maher version and keep reading maybe?

 I woke up praying for someone very, very dear to me who is going through a pretty major redefining time.  It involves pain.  I would love to cast blame, but there's really none to cast.  Why is it that when things go horribly wrong, the first thing we do is try to throw blame?  I've been doing this all my life and I'm a really good aim.  But really, my only responsibility is to stay clean before God.

For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord.

 [ trans. ] (usu. be acquitted) free (someone) from a criminal charge by a verdict of not guilty : she was acquitted on all counts | the jury acquitted him of murder. See note at absolve .

I really wish I could see ahead in this case.

 Paul says he's not conscious of anything against himself.  That's different than saying, "I've never done anything wrong."  I'm seeing that he's kept his heart clean.  Kept short accounts.  Learned to forgive and be forgiven.  Remember back on the first day or two of this blog where I traced his timeline?  He's had some major fall outs - public fall outs - before this point.  I think he learned this lesson about jealousy being so corrupt way back in his Barnabus vs Paul days?  Yeah.  I think he learned from that.

But just because he can't think of anything, he says that's not what makes him safe.  yet I am not by this acquitted...

What makes him safe is realizing it's not others' opinions of him, or even his opinion of himself that counts in the verdict of guilty or not guilty.  It's God's opinion.

 the one who examines me is the Lord.

And somewhere along the way, Paul has gotten a grip on grace. That God's opinion of him is love.  God's opinion of him is forgiven. Paul has gotten a grip on grace.   No, I think it's more like grace got a grip on Paul?  This is where freedom comes in.  Acquitted.  Free from fighting petty battles of jealousy and possessiveness. 

When I get wounded, I instantly wish that God would withdraw his grace from the one who hurt me.  I don't say it in those words.  It comes out like, "God, show them who you are and how they need to grow in this area."  Sounds so holy... not.

I think God would far rather me be honest and say, "Lord, I'm so mad and hurt I could spit...or worse.  In myself, I wish you'd lash back at them for me so I'd feel better.   And I'm even just a wee bit mad that you keep blessing them.  How come you keep blessing someone who has left such a trail of hurt people behind them?  Why is their opinion of me so important to me anyway?  Please clean up my heart.  Somehow you let real enemies nail you to a cross and you forgave.  I'm not you.  I couldn't do that in a million years.  But you did.  Help me.  I'm so hurt, I don't even know what I need or how to pray.  I just know I need you."

 Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men’s hearts

Now that's hard. Where's the line between discernment and judging?

This morning, I think it's wrapped up in that grace thing.  It's one thing to see that someone will hurt you and set up healthy boundaries.  I think it flips over to judgement when I want them to have less of God's grace than I have... when I want God to love me more than He loves them.

Wait until the Lord comes....  timing.  Such a hard thing.  I want it done NOW.  I want to quit hurting NOW.  I want those I love to be healed NOW. 

but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men’s hearts
 
Motives....  my only job is to ask God to keep my heart clean.  Then I can walk acquitted/free so that when he comes and discloses the motives of my heart alongside the others, I've already had my motives redirected to my relationship with HIM. 

Lord, I committed to taking your word at face value.  To simply do what it says.  You say not to go on passing judgement before the time...  I really don't know when "the time" is, but I'm seeing this... You have enough grace for me AND the person who wounds, whether they wound me or someone I love. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtnE_e1LylY    Your Grace is Enough!  (Chris Tomlin version)

...where do I start, Lord?

I just sat down to my computer.

I've already done a load of laundry, fixed breakfast for the family and sent them out the door to school, checked my email and exercised.  I still need to dress for the day, make my bed, pay bills, write a skit for auditions this afternoon, plan an interview, create a spreadsheet, submit an article, sort my overflowing in box and pray for my son's midterms.  I look outside at the weeds and another list formulates about the neglected yard. 

As I took my son back to college yesterday, we - rather I - stopped for a mocha.  We talked about addictions.   I couldn't deny it.  Another list forms of things I need to address, overcome.

I have these mental lists:

I have a mental list of what it would take to be healthy.

A list for what it would take to have my house organized.  A separate list for having it be clean.

I have a list of what I should do to help my parents.

A list for how I want to help my daughter navigate these high school years.

A list of what it would take to be a good wife to my fabulous husband.

A list of what this blog should look like.

A list of friends I want to spend time with.

A list of people I want to get to know.

A list of  books I want to read.

A list of things I need to do for our next show.

A list of deadlines for the magazine.

A list of things to think about.

A list for things I want to conquer.

A list of lists....

And the clutter around me screams "failure".

I can't believe I'm actually posting these photos!  But if Christ isn't welcome to my clutter, then I'm missing the boat.

When a sailboat lists, it tilts precariously to the side.

When I sat down, I brought the tight chest that held all these lists.

WHERE DO I START, LORD?!

and I heard you say.......

Start with Me. 

So here I am.  Please teach me.

I Cor 4:1-5   Let a man regard us in this manner, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. 2In this case, moreover, it is required of stewards that one be found trustworthy. 3But to me it is a very small thing that I may be examined by you, or by any human court; in fact, I do not even examine myself. 4For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord. 5Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men’s hearts; and then each man’s praise will come to him from God. 

Ok, I just read ahead to view the whole chapter and I'm laughing.  

Paul has been spending a lot of thoughtful words explaining from every angle why this jealousy/separate camp thing is SO wrong.  This whole chapter is about Paul's relationship to "these people" and how they need to listen to him.  I can hear him saying, "You need to listen to me, because I'm the Dad!"  ("For if you were to have countless tutors in Christ, yet you would not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel.") 

And then, just like a dad (I'm still laughing), he says the classic line most parents have said when they hear their children arguing in another room,  "Do you want me to come in there?  You might want to figure this out before I get in there."    ("What do you desire? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love and a spirit of gentleness?")

But for this blog commitment, I have to look at the first verse. Let a man regard us in this manner, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. 

Am I a good steward of the mysteries of God?  Am I teaching my children these mysteries?

Am I parenting the way Paul is?  How do I become a good steward?  In this case, moreover, it is required of stewards that one be found trustworthy.  Am I trustworthy?

This is pretty basic stuff.  Someone could write a 500 page thesis on what this means and still not be personally trustworthy with the mysteries of God as they live out their daily lives.

Am I handling these mysteries in a way that my kids can see your power? Paul takes this parenting thing seriously.  He knows they're comparing him to other "authority figures".  He's telling them it's not an either/or situation.  It's "us in Christ" period.  And that includes Paul, Apollos, all the Corinthians and me.  But Paul knows they are comparing him to the other leaders; But to me it is a very small thing that I may be examined by you, or by any human court; in fact, I do not even examine myself. 

He doesn't even examine himself... wow.  I'm forever examining myself.   

For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord.  

Seriously?  He's not conscious of anything against himself?  Paul, who made some of the hugest mistakes against Christ!  And he says with full confidence, the one who examines me is the Lord.

 

(An image of full confidence!  A dear friend mailed me this card when I first started blogging.  The caption says, "Tackle it one day at a time"

Paul writes knowing that he is trustworthy.  That there is nothing against him any longer.  He's been acquitted, slate wiped clean by the Lord.  And if the Lord cleans it, then it "for dang sure" clean!  When God cleans, no one comes behind to touch up.  So when God examines what He himself has cleaned, then he sees, um - clean.  Paul's confidence isn't coming from his performance.  His confidence comes from being overwhelmed with the first hand knowledge of the power of Christ on him.

Lord, I want that!  Please do that in me!

 

...and the winner is, oh my goodness, me!

I COR 3: 8-10  8Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you thinks that he is wise in this age, he must become foolish, so that he may become wise. 19For the wisdom of this world is foolishness before God. For it is written, “He is THE ONE WHO CATCHES THE WISE IN THEIR CRAFTINESS”; 20and again, “THE LORD KNOWS THE REASONINGS of the wise, THAT THEY ARE USELESS.” 21So then let no one boast in men. For all things belong to you, 22whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or things present or things to come; all things belong to you, 23and you belong to Christ; and Christ belongs to God.

Everybody wants to be a winner.  We really love it when someone comes up from the bottom and beats the cocky "born lucky" ones.  And yet, I have this dilemma.  Where is the line between wanting to win and wanting to be like the ones we beat?  If we become like the ones we want to beat, aren't we actually losing?

The Bible talks about victory. I just typed in the word victory in my Bible software.  At first glance, here's what popped up for the search :

 Victory is listed 71 times!

We're made to win.  We're made to WANT to win.

I get caught up in reality TV shows. The cookoffs, the grand races, the decorator and designer wars,

the weight loss battles.  I've even watched a marksmanship shootoff with my son!

I love to watch the personalities of the winners.  I love to predict how they will handle a challenge. I even pause the video and sketch my ideas for fun just to see how close I come to winning designer.

The winners are often not the ones you'd expect from the beginning.

There's a secret to the winners, though.  I've noticed this about almost every single one of them.

Somewhere in the battle, they totally forget about themselves.  They can't wait to face the next challenge to show their achievement not just in the final outcome, but in showing what they've learned.  They fall in love with the process and they can't wait to do it again under new circumstances.  

But here's the deal.  They don't so much lose themselves in the project.  Just the opposite.  They somehow get to the point of  knowing who they are so securely that they don't have to hold back.   They take HUGE risks and lay it all down because somehow they know that no judge can take away who they are.

The ones who end up comparing themselves to others whether by belittling the competitor or boasting about themselves... they typically end up going home.

The winners want to win because they want more opportunities to practice their craft.

The winners listen to the critique and apply it, whether or not they agree with it!

The winners are always grateful for the opportunity they've be been given.

The winners don't back stab.  In fact, most of them see the others as worthy opponents and acknowledge their competitors' strengths and weaknesses as information they need to find ways to improve.

So then let no one boast in men. For all things belong to you,

22whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or things present or things to come; all things belong to you, 23and you belong to Christ; and Christ belongs to God.

I've been given, stress "given", what I need to win. The secret to unlocking what I've been given is to give it away.  My victory - belonging - is already won.  This battle is simply not about me, but that's totally fine because I don't have to prove myself.  I belong.  And all things - wisdom, security, victory - those are all mine because they were given to me.

That I don't know how to use what I've been given yet is a side issue.  One that can be developed with each challenge.

...can I call you Lord?

I Cor 10:18  Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? 17If any man destroys the temple of God, God will destroy him, for the temple of God is holy, and that is what you are. 


Lord.  Can I call you that?  Am I letting you be that?  Lord.  Please be that.  Please be Lord over all the growing pains going on right now.

There are things you can not talk about on a blog.  I guess some people do, but we are the temple of God.  I am the temple of God. 

Most of the time, I feel like I'm on the outside looking in.  No really, I feel like I'm inside looking out the window.  People are making decisions that effect my life.  And I want to hide so I can avoid any pain and protect myself and those I love.   But you're here telling me

...you are the temple of God.

Usually, I go straight into looking at how I treat my body and how I eat under stress when I read these verses. 

But this says, the Spirit of God dwells in you,

It states it as a fact.  It states it in the context of a plural "you" that I have to be a part of.

If I look back at the context of what I've been learning in the first part of this letter, here's what I see:

To be resentful destroys the body of Christ.  To blame and compare destroys the body of Christ.  To be defensive destroys the body of Christ.

It's about how we handle success as we walk together.  Are we jealous when our life is hard and others seems to prosper as a result of our hardships?  It's so hard to handle. 

Sometimes, when our life is hard, we just don't want for others to be blessed.

It's so easy to divide into camps.

There are "others" in relationships. And sometimes it's just cold and muddy where we pitch our tents.

I'm in a place where there's so much change happening so fast that I can't see through the storm making this mud. 

Lord, could I just say this?  I really hate growing pains.

I've deleted as much as I've written.  I need to be careful.  Lord, help me never destroy your body with my words in any way.

Sometimes things are so out of my control that there's absolutely nothing to say but "delete"

... and then there's just nothing to say but

"Lord? " 

Please help me walk with You through these growing pains.  Please be Lord over them.  It's very hard to trust you when I can't see where you're taking some of this stuff.  Lord, it's very hard to let go.  But if I don't then I really can't call you, LORD.

I am not Superwoman

I COR 3:8-15

8Now he who plants and he who waters are one; but each will receive his own reward according to his own labor. 9For we are God’s fellow workers; you are God’s field, God’s building.
      10According to the grace of God which was given to me, like a wise master builder I laid a foundation, and another is building on it. But each man must be careful how he builds on it. 11For no man can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12Now if any man builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, 13each man’s work will become evident; for the day will show it because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality of each man’s work. 14If any man’s work which he has built on it remains, he will receive a reward. 15If any man’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire. 


These verses have been tumbling around in my head as I rush to put out one fire only to see another one starting.  And I keep thinking, "It's all gonna burn anyway..."

These verses make me nervous...each will receive his own reward according to his own labor....each man must be careful how he builds on it.....each man’s work will become evident...the fire itself will test the quality of each man’s work....If any man’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss....

I feel frantic!  I need to do more for Christ!  I need to save the world like Mother Teresa, work with special needs and hide Jews like Corrie ten Boom, teach like Beth Moore, worship like Hillsong, write like Ann Voskamp, put on a community play and edit a Mom's magazine... AND I NEED TO DO IT TODAY!!!!

You're laughing.      I would be laughing too... if YOU said it.  But when I say it, I actually believe it! 

But my edited version of those verses... the parts that make me nervous...have one very HUGE fatal flaw.  FATAL.  DEATH producing. 

I edited the work of God totally out. 

Do you see it?  I didn't plan to do that so I could be a clever writer.  I promise.  I write this blog in real time and put things on the screen AS I discover them.   And now I see what I've been doing.

If I look again, I see it's not up to me, because any measely work I do is SURROUNDED by the work JESUS has already done!  Look at it!  (I highlighted it in yellow below) Yes, there's a warning.  Yes, there's an admonition (that sounded really Biblical...admonition...)  BUT my works have to be cemented with Christ.  He is the foundation, and HE did that work.  Not me. 


8Now he who plants and he who waters are one; but each will receive his own reward according to his own labor. 9For we are God’s fellow workers; you are God’s field, God’s building.
      10According to the grace of God which was given to me, like a wise master builder I laid a foundation, and another is building on it. But each man must be careful how he builds on it. 11For no man can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12Now if any man builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, 13each man’s work will become evident; for the day will show it because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality of each man’s work. 14If any man’s work which he has built on it remains, he will receive a reward. 15If any man’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire. 

I'm His fellow worker... which means, He is my fellow worker in return.  We do this together.  He's the leader, but I get to do it WITH Him, not running around "for" Him.  "With" means, um, "with" - not solo, Superwoman going out to save the world on His behalf and reporting back to hear "well done."

 Lord, I have to leave this blog and get ready for my meeting, which I'm nervous about,  but I know there's more for me in this passage.  What do you need to burn away in my life?  What is the fire that burns away crud and leave pure gold? 

I'm afraid.  But once again, turn up the heat until you see your reflection in that refiners fire.  I'm so scattered and frayed and I've got straw stuck all in my hair.

You Won't Relent until You have it all    Lord the words of this song are burning into my heart.

"There is love that is as strong as death....  Come be the fire inside of me, Come be the flame upon my heart, Come be the fire inside of me, until You and I are one.

 

...I don't want to blog today

I dont' want to blog today.  I'm overwhelmed by a wall of deadlines and I feel I'm in over my head.  Sink or swim.... 

And yet because of this book, I know that God is able to handle wall and water.

He parted a wall of water for the Israelites to cross through.  I'm sure they were scared it would collapse in on them even though God was saying, "I love you" right there in a miracle. 

Jesus walked on the water!  He made the water settle down when he calmed the storm.  He enabled Peter to walk on it; and He rescued Peter when the poor guy focused on the water instead of the Lord.

Lord Jesus, I've criticized Peter in my mind.  I've said, "He should have kept his eyes on Christ.  He should have danced out there with you.  He should have stayed out there on the water for all eternity and become "Peter, the water walker."

OK, wait, Lord.  WOW...   That's what I do, isn't it?  I focus on living in the miracle instead of on what You are up to.  

You were walking on the water - why?  

You were walking on the water to get in the boat with your friends!  THEY were your destination.  You walked on water just because it was the best way to get to them?

I need to think about this.  Maybe the reason Peter was able to walk on water was because He just so desperately wanted to be with Jesus, be like Him, be all for Him.  "Lord, if that's really you (excited heartbeat!) bid me to walk on the water to you,"  he blurted when He thought it was really you, even though it didn't make sense for you to be there that way.


 I always thought Peter was just excited to DO what Jesus was DOING.

Maybe He was spurred by a desperation to BE with you WHERE you were?



These past two mornings, I have not wanted to be with Jesus where He is. 

I avoided sitting here.  I ate cookies.  I fretted. I looked at my circumstances and sank.  I tried to swim and make my budgets and flow charts and send my emails, but the waves just don't stop coming.

  I tried to just float and ignore it and watch videos and get my mind off of it with a movie, but the waves don't go away and I'll drown eventually with this tack. 

And Lord, here I've been judging Peter who WALKED ON WATER!!!!  I judge this guy for how he experienced YOU!  How cocky could I possibly be!!!?  Am I so desperate for You that I would take even one little step out of the boat?  I'm cowering under a blanket in the bow.

And yet you didn't expect all of them to get out of the boat.  You came to them.  Joanie saw this didn't she, Lord?  (Give my friend, Joanie, a HUGE hug in the boat today, Lord!)  You're whole goal was to get in the boat with them.  You didn't scold them for not walking on water.  You didn't really scold Peter.  You asked him questions to help him process what had just happened.   Sigh.

What in the world does this have to do with I Corinthians?

It has to do with YOU coming to us!  "Christ and Him crucified..."

It has to do with Grace.

For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not mere human beings?

5What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. 6I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. 7So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. 8The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. 9For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.

Today, I could hear Paul saying,  

For when one says, “I follow the bishop,” and another, “I follow the foursquare church,” and another, “I follow the mainstream fundamental evangelical church,” and another, “I follow the non-denominational church,” are you not mere human beings?


5What, after all, is Beth Moore?  What is Francis Chan?  What is Andy Stanley?    Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. 

Am I at least doing my task, Lord?

Today, my task is to feed my family. 

To work on our upcoming show.  To get writers on track for their next articles in the magazine.  But those are not my GOAL.  Those are tasks.  

My GOAL is to be with You seeing every task as a means to that end.

Lord, if this is really YOU, bid me to come out where you are...  Bid me to come to you.   And if I sink and You have to lift me up choking on sea water,  let me hear what you have to say about it rather than focusing on my failure and how soggy and wet I got.  

If I shiver, would you hold me?

 

what's wrong with this picture?

I COR 3 : 1-3  And I, brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual men, but as to men of flesh, as to infants in Christ. 2I gave you milk to drink, not solid food; for you were not yet able to receive it. Indeed, even now you are not yet able, 3for you are still fleshly. For since there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not fleshly, and are you not walking like mere men?…

In my house, only mature people get to drink out the crystal.   Maturity has nothing to do with age.  It simply has to do with being able to handle what's been put in your hands.  I would not give a baby her milk in a goblet. 

Nope.  Wouldn't do it.

But every time I read this, it rubs me a little the wrong way.  I've been trying to follow Christ for over 30 years.  I've led Bible studies, done "stuff"...  

I've made it a goal to be really transparent.  And I even see the painful cuts and scratches I've received along the way as the etchings of something beautiful now.

But if I read this passage at face value, I need to grow some more.

for you are still fleshly. For since there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not fleshly, and are you not walking like mere men?…

...milk in a goblet?

Lord, please continue to show me how silly it is to walk in comparison to others, especially as I head into these deadline packed next few weeks.  Let me, yes, stay transparent.  But please let there be something of substance inside this vessel.  I'll leave that up to you.  I love you more today than ever.  Amen

I don't have time to be here

Lord, I don't have time to be here!  I have a meeting at 11:00.  The show is starting and two magazine issues are overlapping.  I'm frantic and feeling like I, Lydia, should be above my A game.  I feel like I should be .... well... YOU!  That's the truth isn't it?  Instead of relying on you, enjoying you, starting and ending and being wrapped up in you; I feel like it's all up to me.

Exhale...

I Cor 3

I've just read all of it.  http://biblehub.com/niv/1_corinthians/3.htm

I'm so thankful for this website.  Even my tech-terror comes in as a blessing.  A different version/translation comes up depending on how I enter what I'm looking for.  I see each verse in several translations by the time I'm done.

So many things in this chapter tie in to what I've got to accomplish... but here's the deal.  It's not up to me.

Last night and today are production calendar days.  In our family, that means 4-6 calendars have to mesh...

Oh and then add the Magazine production calendars (2 of them this time) to that.  Today is the day we look at the big picture and check the foundation.

Today I'm looking at the big picture of chapter 3:

Paul says there's no room for jealousy... each of us have a job to do toward ONE purpose. 

Rich and I sat down last night and realized we need to really open up for this show and let others rise up more in leadership areas.

For the magazine, we'll be expanding our contributor list and adding more talent.  The best product will come when we don't try to do everything in house.

Paul talks about the cleansing/testing fire! 

The theme of our fall show is "Catch fire"...

In fact, I just zipped off this description to the graphic artist who does our PR work...

The name of the show is:

  The Offering 2014
  Catch Fire!


Thinking of the fire that purifies... that blue flame that fans red/orange/yellow.   Could be track shoes ignited by flame (run the race)?

We want to emote intense energy, action, inspiration, freedom....

Paul talks about being the temple. 

I also read my Daily Light devotional book (all scripture) this a.m.   The whole morning reading focused on our personal bodies being the temple of God!

Today is the first of 3 days without sugar for me.  Not a small thing. 

UNBELIEVABLE how you're confirming this feeble effort on my part.








Paul talks about wisdom... God uses what looks like foolishness to my conventional list-keeping, number crunching, nervous planning ways.

It doesn't make sense to sit first before heading into this time crunched day.  It doesn't make sense to exercise when my ducks aren't yet in a row for the meeting.  But this is obedience.  This is where I meet God for real. But Lord, if I don't do these jobs WITH you, then it will all just burn away leaving nothing but pollution as fruit.

Right here in the thick of it.  If He's not God here, then I'm a farce.

 I'm excited to work through chapter 3 now!

And to think I was "too busy" to sit down with You!