That's a word I just made up. I'm not quite frazzled, but there are so many things that need my attention that my heart is racing a bit faster, my mind is DEFINITELY distracted, thoughts are niggling at me while I'm trying to just sit still in this chair.
Lord, please help me. Help me just sit still. Help me just think one calm thought. I keep thinking about that phrase that came to me years ago... "God is in His heavenlies... and He does not get stressed out."
Lord, when I think of your "to do" list and compare it to mine... sheesh. I feel like a toddler trying to put her shoes on the wrong feet and all upset because I can't tie them by myself.
Last night, a really good friend came by for a drive-by prayer time. She pulled up in the drive and I ran out of the garage, jumped in her still running van to pray with her before she finished her drive home.
As we talked about our "stuff" we realized our stress was not from just one thing. It was from a million little things. Both of us are the type to search for the bottom line and fight the battle with full commitment. But there WAS no bottom line this go round.
Both of us are hearing God say, "Come"
I found myself saying that maybe that's what all this is about about.
God calling us to "mana" this.
To come daily and open our tent flap. Maybe that's what all that wilderness time was about for Israel... having them learn that God shows up. Every day. To get us in the habit of realizing that whether we perform well or fail, whether we're stressed or calm, whether we slept well or tossed all night worrying if we'd eat the next morning.... He "mana-d up" because HE's the one who made the promise. Trying to eat off old stuff is not allowed. Today. It's all about Him showing up today.
As we prayed, I saw this amazing dream? vision? mental picture? This is what I saw:
There was a female. It could have been my friend, it could have been me. It was both third person and first person all at once.
She was in a well lit room but there were downy feathers floating all over. It was as if she were in a pillow fight and the casings busted and the feathers were absolutely everywhere. And she was fighting really hard, but there was nothing to punch. As soon as she aimed a blow, the feathers floated away in the very wind her movement created. As soon as she focused on one item, it was replaced by another. There was no rhyme or reason and no connection between them.
As my friend and I prayed that we would be able to calm ourselves and "come", the scene changed.
Now the female was kneeling. The feathers began to fall to the ground all around her. The longer she remained still, the more feathers settled until there were none in the air.
Then I saw her calmly get up and take one very deliberate and calm step and a time. The layer of feathers she walked on was very thick. You couldn't tell what was underneath. But she walked on top of them, and there was something solid underneath that layer of stuff that held her up. As she stepped, the feathers shifted to the side and her feet were on really smooth, flat, polished rock.
It was REALLY obvious that if she started scurrying or running, then all the feathers would immediately be air born - and blinding - again.
Somehow, I understood that each step was one day and sometimes just one moment. My friend and I were being called to a "walk" and not a race.
Why would God show up like that? It's because we are valuable to him. Whether or not we perform our ministries or jobs or family roles well is not part of that particular equation.
My husband teaches third grade. He was describing that they are in the process of helping the kids recognize what's NOT part of the equation for word problems. Once you know what you're looking for, you simply ignore/throw out the parts that aren't part of the solution. For example: Lydia's dad gave her 8 oranges for her basket. She also had some apples. If Lydia gave 3 oranges away, how many oranges are left in her basket?"
In this particular case, the apples don't matter. Obvious right? But for me, the apples are a total focus. I want to know why she had them. What she's going to do with them!
But if the apples represent my area of performance and the oranges represent my value, then my performance apples are just not part of the answer to my value - at all.
The question is about my value. The answer has nothing to do with my performance.
There's nothing wrong with apples. They just don't come into the value equation.
(That's a really imperfect analogy! Oranges don't represent grace well... and why did she give them away? and why doesn't she have an unending supply? I know, I know!!! LOL Just don't miss the point...)
So if I'm really and truly highly valued by God, then it makes sense that He wants to spend time with me. He shows up because He values me. I can hide in my tent and complain that He doesn't come in and feed me... and all the while, there's mana all over the ground!
What does all this have to do with 1 Corinthians? God is calling me to this daily thing. Every time I come, He shows up.
Oh! and my friend J. taught me how to use my big fat concordance
to find the greek meaning of words as they are used in particular sentences! There it was on my shelf all along! And there was my friend all too willing to help. All I had to do was ask.
Am I intimidated and inexperienced? Um, yep. But that's ok. I'll just look up one little word at a time.
I COR 5:3 For my part, even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. As one who is present with you in this way, I have already passed judgment in the name of our Lord Jesus on the one who has been doing this...
In this reference, judgement means: to try, condemn, punish (as through the law)
as compared to I COR 4:3 I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. 4My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.
Here it means: to scrutinize, investigate, interrogate, determine then to distinguish, to decide (as in giving the sentance in court?)
So, we DO make firm judgement to morality but with MOURNING! It should absolutely be with a breaking heart that will welcome them back as soon as they want to live rightly with God rather than arrogantly claiming to be His while flaunting their detestable actions as if God approves.
This whole judge thing may take me days of blogging... we'll see.
But I'm not here to be right. And I'm not here to teach. I'm just hear to learn. I'm just here to "COME".
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